ok, i love social media aus and i know why they all need to give lan wangji a twitter account, but there is NO WAY that boy is active on social media. none. it wouldn't even cross his mind...and it's exactly the type of withholding aloofness that would drive wei wuxian up a wall.

wei wuxian bugs him about it for weeks! "you're not even on facebook? what are you, a serial killer?"

"actually, social media is a major way that modern murderers target and stalk their victims," lan wangji calmly replies.

wei wuxian gapes at him. "SO GET AN INSTAGRAM!"

eventually, lan wangji acquiesces and allows wei wuxian to set up an instagram account for him.

he posts one picture — a copse of larch trees, their branches shimmering with early-morning dew — and then promptly forgets the password and never updates again.

and wei wuxian SUFFERS.

trust me on this, you guys. much of my early 20s was spent being a fucker of aloof, cultured weirdos. i know of what i speak.

"but yikes, doesn't he at least use his insta to stalk wwx?"

"no," i reply. "the idea of constant access to wei ying's face is too much. instead, he does what my mother does when she wants to see my posts: he opens his browser and types in ' http://instagram.com/weicoolwuxian ' by hand."

during the short period when he had an account, he went through and methodically pressed the heart button on every single one of wei ying's photos.

then nie huaisang left him a teasing comment about it on his own post and he realized that his likes were public...never again.

(the fact that this function has been disabled does not ease lwj's concern that he would be...excessive again.)

now he does what my mom does: texts wwx about his posts days later, with no context.

"Are those your sunglasses?"
"Your sister looks happy."
"You stay up too late."

again, i do not mean any of this as a criticism of social media AUs, which i absolutely adore and devour regularly.

instead, this thread should be seen as a continuation of one of my favorite activities: lovingly dunking on lan wangji.

wei wuxian: sends lan wangji a video of some random girl doing a tiktok dance challenge.

lan wangji: who is this? did we go to school with her?

wei wuxian: oh my god you are a space alien pls marry me