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Can you identify your toxic traits/defense mechanisms?
And that has made it to where people close to me see me as cold or think I wouldn& #39;t care about a situation, when in all actually I be hurt as fuck and don& #39;t display it.
Not displaying emotions is my way of "protecting myself" and I rationalize it by saying that if someone doesn& #39;t know how to hurt me or know that they even did it, they can& #39;t intentionally do it again.
Butttttttt if they don& #39;t know and do it again, I can& #39;t have the right to be mad cuz I didn& #39;t explain how it affected me.
But, in my defense, I believe that when/if someone gets mad enough they will intentionally do something they know will hurt you or say some below the belt type shit. So I prevent anyone having that ammo by being dismissive.
My true friends know when shit gets to me tho. And they will ask me if I& #39;m good, but I& #39;ll be in my dismissive state and say I& #39;m good and they won& #39;t pry right away. They give me a day or two.
I have to work through whatever it is I& #39;m going through and process my feelings before I can talk about it or be vulnerable. My girls have definitely learned that about me.
I also display that I don& #39;t care about shit a lot, when it comes to my personal life.
I& #39;ll be excited for my friends whenever they have good news, but I& #39;ll downplay my shit in a heartbeat.
Can& #39;t be let down by something that you didn& #39;t get your hopes up for!
I& #39;ll be excited for my friends whenever they have good news, but I& #39;ll downplay my shit in a heartbeat.
Can& #39;t be let down by something that you didn& #39;t get your hopes up for!
I learned that from experience early on (i.e. daddy issues/abandonment) and it& #39;s something I TRY to work on.
I& #39;m learning that it& #39;s ok to be excited or happy about something going on in your life.
For instance, I had applied for a job and made it through the first round of the hiring process and my friends were so happy for me..I wasn& #39;t CONTENT until I got the interview.
For instance, I had applied for a job and made it through the first round of the hiring process and my friends were so happy for me..I wasn& #39;t CONTENT until I got the interview.
Had the interview and my friends who knew asked me how it went. I said I feel like it was too short and they had someone else in mind (displaying toxic trait). My friends called me crazy and said they knew I got the job.
Couple days later, I got an email saying I got the job. It wasn& #39;t until THEN that I was HAPPY and hell if I& #39;m being honest, I& #39;m still not 100% happy til I step foot in that new position. But all my friends were over the top excited and had so much joy in their hearts for me.
Something that should& #39;ve been exciting for me wasn& #39;t and it& #39;s because I conditioned myself to not get my hopes up about anything. But honestly, that& #39;s a shitty way to live life.
I& #39;ll stop this thread here. For no particular reason but I know I can ramble my ass off 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đ
" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">. I think I& #39;ll pick up tomorrow morning on whatever topic comes to mind.
