when i was a teenager i did nottt love myself. everyone loved me. everyone said i was amazing, clever, talented, smart. people wanted my skill set, they wanted to be like me, but i didn’t believe those things.

but i could go to school and be THAT bitch and make everyone laugh, inspire people to have crazy fun. and go home to hurt myself, then pretend to my family that everything was fine.

as an adult now, unpacking my childhood, before i ever picked up a cigarette, drink, razor or a zoot, the problems were very much there. i was just my mum’s little perfect, A grade star so she never noticed. and that was a big part of the problem. i didn’t feel seen.

looking back i was always those amazing things and more! i’ve always been the biggest G. my loved ones projected a lot onto me because they wanted to vicariously live through me. some people projected bad things onto me, probably because they were hurting too. i was confused.