Thread by @nieun_san, I wish you happiness Ethan. I can't finish nurse Baekhyun anymore. You [...]

I wish you happiness Ethan. I can& #39;t finish nurse Baekhyun anymore. You will never read it, and I& #39;ll never finish it. It& #39;s called is it love or is it infatuation because you onced asked me that question too.

It& #39;s fictional. Of course it is. A lot of the scenes don& #39;t resemble us. But the feelings the two characters shared are almost the same. Even if I won& #39;t ever finish it, I actually knew the answer since chapter 2. What you& #39;ve once asked me, what I once said.

The things that I can& #39;t say to you anymore, I made Baekhyun say it to Chanyeol. For some reason I can& #39;t hear you scolding me in my head right now. This, this, that, that. I can imagine everything you would say to me.

Regardless of what you would say or have said. I wrote on. Because I couldn& #39;t let it go. I could write love 500 times and I know you won& #39;t forgive me and turn back. I won& #39;t ask you to either. I like the you right now, with this new person. I like you smiling.

What is love? 700 pages later and I still don& #39;t know how to answer that. But what you& #39;ve once asked me on whether I did love you you or not, my answer is in that story. Even if you& #39;ll never hear or read it. I didn& #39;t say it today, not because I am stubborn.

I didn& #39;t say it, because I know I don& #39;t have the rights to anymore. I& #39;ve learnt a lot in that story. What I took for granted, what could have changed. I don& #39;t need anyone to understand that story. I just needed myself to know that what I did was wrong.

You& #39;re too kind. But at the same time you& #39;re like me. Stubborn. You& #39;re right Ethan. We could have been together, but I kept pushing you away. 1 year isn& #39;t a long time right? But to us, it felt like a lifetime.

I& #39;m someone who is insatiable. Therefore I suffer. That& #39;s exactly why I can& #39;t be in any relationships. Ah. Sometimes when I read back to that story, I really wanted to scold Baekhyun. Was it that hard to be honest?

Was it worth it in the end? Of course not. But I won& #39;t really tell you that. The thing I hate hearing someone say is: "I& #39;m sorry I couldn& #39;t save you."

I don& #39;t need your pity. I can& #39;t withstand that kind of burden.

I know you love me. That& #39;s why I call you foolish. I know I loved you, that& #39;s why I& #39;ll always hate Baekhyun& #39;s character.

I suppose I& #39;m protecting that fic since I& #39;ll always be guilty for not protecting us. But now, I really don& #39;t have the ability to do so anymore.

It& #39;s so long, not because I have so much time and effort to write it. It& #39;s so long because I can& #39;t let this go.

You know how cruel I can be. Even if they all told me they love me, they want me. The only person I could think of is still you.

My desire for you is so toxic. Terrifying. You called it an excuse. I called myself insane.

What you onced asked me after I came back from Singapore. You& #39;re wrong. I had a place for you at heart. You were here. I just don& #39;t know why I said all those things

If we were together, It& #39;s not hard to guess. We would have a girl. It& #39;s what you& #39;ve wanted right? Right now, we would have definitely been in a relationship. Married for sure.

I can& #39;t do that anymore. Neither would I be someone you can come home to and look forward to.

So I& #39;m saying sorry to my heart. I can& #39;t protect that fic anymore.

I& #39;m saying sorry to you, for regretting my choices.

What I couldn& #39;t do with you, I& #39;ll leave the spaces blank to that story for your future spouse.

We all are replaceable. But the ones that really last are unforgettable.

I& #39;ll put the pen down and Mark an X for the part where that story stopped and I& #39;ll tell you today the same thing as Baekhyun once told Sehun.

And the things that you& #39;ve always scolded me for.

My thoughts are the same. In a way, I guess O stubbornly refuse to acknowledge that I made you happy. Because why can& #39;t your friends see it?

Or rather, why do I feel like you& #39;re always sad with me.

Communicate. That& #39;s what you said we lacked.

Truth is, it wasn& #39;t just with you. I lack that with everyone.

Ethan. I like your face.

You understand right?

My favorite person has the exact same face as you.

I& #39;m kidding. You probably wouldn& #39;t. Because I won& #39;t have the chance to say it.

There& #39;s so much more I want to say. So much I couldn& #39;t tell you, and so much that couldn& #39;t be written. Who knows if you would see this thread or not.

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