couple more weeks and staying inside will have become the new normal for most people who aren't used to it. which on the one hand, will help make it a bit less painful, but on the other hand, potentially welcome to agoraphobia the sky is gonna look fake, sorry.

its a thing i don't talk about much but one of the most striking things for me about being fucking terrified to go outside is that everything is so big. It's so big, and it's awful, and the sky doesn't look real. It's worst on clear days. It aches with how deep it is.

the sky has been fake for me since i was 17, i didn't have the words for it until chip said the same thing. it doesn't look real. plants, if you live somewhere green, may also start to look less real. depending on how long it's been since you went out, you might cry @ flowers.

if you've been sick and self isolating in one room, you might find that even the rest of the house can be too much. you may find yourself grasping for things you know you can control. games where you can do mundane chores and outdoor activities may become more appealing.

anything disrupting your safe space may cause what feels like irrational anger or frustration, but it'll make sense if you think it through. When your safety is at risk outside of one specific spot, that spot being disrupted can feel like a violation.

so tips on managing this if you notice it's occurring:
- make it clear that your space is yours, and that things being moved cause distress
- walking tours on youtube as light training for the idea of being outside and near people
- five minute trips outside 2 flip off sky.

but some stuff might stick around. you may be instinctively afraid of strangers now, and crowded places. you might find yourself hyperaware of every time someone touches their face and then touches a surface, and someone else touches that. panic attacks may happen.

this can be incredibly debilitating and, yes, disabling, and like. be careful and gentle with yourselves. if you notice these sorts of things happening, it can be panic inducing. you might think that you're broken, you might mourn things you used to do and can't bear too now.

you cannot control what other people do. you can only control what you do, and advocate for things to be better, for culture to shift, so you have less to be afraid of. Things like people sanitizing their hands on entry & exit of stores? Should stick around! It's good for health.

If this is your first experience being afraid of being outside, if that hits: I'm sorry. It's not something I'd wish on anyone. My world is my bed, on good days my room, and on very good days: the next room. I need to save up energy for sometimes weeks to leave the house, once.

I've been like this for a very long time, and I wish I had some like. Instant fix for it that I could recommend to just, resolve the feelings, but honestly all of this has made my agoraphobia considerably worse, because now I'm afraid of everyone, not just creepy cis guys.

But a lot of managing it if it hits for people is going to be patience and compassion for the self. Knowing that your feelings aren't unreasonable. I was once told by a mental health professional that "it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you", and, yeah.

You might find that you're unable to go back to working in an office, or that as soon as you can you leave whatever essential job you have and fling yourself into another position that's radically different. Be kind to yourself and keep notes of your feelings for doctors.

Mindfulness and meditation can help. But if you're experiencing trauma and agoraphobia, you might find that some meditations trigger panic, particularly any that ask you to be hyper-aware of your body and your breathing.

Any disabling mental health effects from all of this, are, honestly? Less abut you being Broken or Tainted by the experience, and more about the inaccessibility of a society and infrastructure that makes your fears SUPER REASONABLE.

I felt like it was important to say this, because i've seen a lot of people starting to panic, and express uncertainty about going out, or start becoming aware of how aware they are of what other people are doing, and. Yeah. It sucks. I've been here a long time and its worse now.

Surprises may now be viscerally upsetting. If you're not neurotypical, they may be way more upsetting than usual. People touching you without notice might be a thing that provokes horror and fear. You might not be able to hug your friends for a while, but the craving is there.

For that: get a weighted blanket. Get a big stuffed animal. Drink warm drinks and hold the cup for a long time. Warm baths and showers. Talk it through with your friends, let them know that you need notice and advance warning before physical affection.

A lot of this advice has overlap with my C-PTSD management tech, and, yeah, because I expect a lot of people to have developed PTSD through all of this, especially if personally affected.

When it comes to physical -intimacy- you might find yourself unable to face being kissed, or having faces close to each other, unless you know that the person is 100% not sick. Even with my best friend, I have a jolt of panic on being hugged, I would freak with kisses atm.

Again, don't blame yourself if this crops up, don't feel busted or broken or sick yourself for being afraid. It makes sense, it's reasonable, and anyone who gives you shit about it maybe doesn't deserve to be in your life!

You might become Very Aware of how close you are to other people. Public transport might be horrifying. Masks will help with that. Anything that helps you not touch surfaces directly, on the rare occasions I use taxis I wear long sleeve shirts & try to fold them over my fingers.

This is a really complex situation with a wide range of potential effects, and how it hits each person will be highly individualized. Have understanding.

I'm a serial survivor of domestic abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse. I'm chronically ill, and have been for a very long time. I catch anything that the people I live with are exposed too. I spend 99% of my time in bed and alone. Weirdly that's a skillset now.

So if you read through this thread, whether you follow me or find it through the fucked up likes system, and it resonates and you have questions or just want to like. Express that things hurt to someone who will understand, I get it. You aren't alone and you will adapt.