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Good morning, I'm just going to say a couple of things, and if it helps, we can pretend like this had nothing to do with last night's shit show. (1) Why do people say men are trash (2) why Black men in Curacao grow up feeling unrappreciated and (3) how we are fetishized
1. This one should be straightforward. Women live in a world where men make them feel unsafe literally every day. There are no boundaries that men do not cross to make women feel unsafe (from harassing them in the street/ at clubs, to sending unsollicited dick pics online).
And the truth is, as men, we KNOW the danger a women is exposed to is greater than our own. Because we WORRY about the safety of the women in our lives. We worry about our friends, family, and gilrfriends. We worry when they are out on their own at night.
We worry way more than we would about our brothers, male friends and male family. It's because we understand the world is safer for men than it is for women. And we KNOW that the reason women are unsafe is because of men. This last part cannot be argued.
It doesn't mean that ALL men are like this. But you can't ignore that almost every time a woman had to fear for her safety, the a man was the source of this fear. We have all met shitty women in our lives, yes.
But few of us were ever in a situation we couldn't escape with more than hurt feelings and psychological trauma. Almost EVERY woman had at some point feared for her life because of a man. To deny this is disingenuous at best, at worst it's hella ignorant
And the way we worry about women is lazy. We want to be their protectors, but we rarely try to make the outside world a better place so they wouldn't need our protection. We defend OUR women when they are being harassed, or build walls out of rules to keep them safe
From a young age, girls have to live by different rules than men. Parents, even well-meaning, have to tell girls not to dress "provocatively" so they don't get unwanted attention from that creepy family friend at the function. But why was the creep invited in the first place?
Because we accept creeps in our circles. We just don't want OUR women to be hurt because of them. Historically, we have been conditioned to care about women as properties. So our protection is possessive.
The Code of Ur-Nammu is the oldest recorded law code, dating back at least 2000 BC. Here are some of its laws:
-"If a man violates the right of another and deflowers the virgin wife of a young man, they shall kill that male."
"If the wife of a man followed after another man and he slept with her, they shall slay that woman, but that male shall be set free."
"If the wife of a man followed after another man and he slept with her, they shall slay that woman, but that male shall be set free."
- "If a man proceeded by force, and deflowered the virgin female slave of another man, that man must pay five shekels of silver."
People only cared about women who "belonged" to a man, either as a slave or as a wife. The woman did not have autonomy
People only cared about women who "belonged" to a man, either as a slave or as a wife. The woman did not have autonomy
Let's fastforward to 2020: We only protect women we care about, but do very little to change the world that makes it so unsafe for women in the first place. Because if we want to change the world, then we have to address the source of the danger women face. And that is us.
We would have to restrict ourselves. We have to hold our friends accountable. Not just the obvious creeps, but also the people who make jokes that promote the idea that women are objects. And yes, we would have to accept that to a lot of women "men are trash".
That may not be OUR reality as men but it's theirs. So we could either argue or try to be better men, and that doesn't just mean not being a creep yourself, it also doesn't just mean protecting the women you love. It means willing to be uncomfortable so they can feel safe.
2. I'm speaking specifically for straight Black men from Curacao (there's a lot to say about discrimination faced by Black women and Queer people, but I'm not the one to say it). A lot of Black boys grow up feeling underappreciated, feeling like they're not beautiful.
On the other hand the white boys at school were very popular with the girls, even if looking back the boys were just average. And there are a lot of women who wouldn't even look at a Black person unless they were lightskined and/or rich.
The obvious internalized anti-blackness aside, it also had a lot to do with status. We have a really superficial culture where people care more about a title than what kind of person you are or what you do.
And there are a lot of women who wouldn't even look at anyone if he didn't have a(n expensive) car or a lot of money. So yes, if you are broke and Black you grow up feeling hella unappreciated and discriminated against. And then this weird thing happens . . .
You arrive in the Netherlands or you meet Arubans and women are suddenly interested in you. They compliment you on your hair, your style, your smile, your charm, and a million other things no one (or very few people) ever said was beautiful about you.
Not gonna lie, that shit feels good, because most of us haven't experienced much appreciation. Not love, because a lot of people have loved us but few ever appreciated us for the things that truly define us. It's a nice but unfamiliar feeling
And it sucks that most of us couldn't get that growing up, or that most of us still can't feel that kind of appreciation from our own women.
3. Fetishization: some ethnicities are hypersexualized, you can think of Black women, Black men, Latinos. The same stereotypes that say that Black men are angry, aggressive, unintelligent, also states that Black men are good loves with giant penises. It's not love, it's a fetish.
So unfortunately, dating a Black person doesn't make you not-racist. A lot of non-Black people exclusively date Black people BECAUSE they are racist. They fall in love with a racial stereotype and they could care less about the human being beneath.
Going back to point 2, Black men from Cura can grow up feeling unappreciated by our own women. But Aruban women and women in NL seem to think we are amazing. But some of these same people might love us only because of the racial stereotype they attach to us.
And that's why Black love, if you are lucky enough to experience it, is beautiful as hell. Because you are being appreciated by someone from your own culture who can truly see the beauty in you for what it is. And I'm not saying non-Black people can't love you for who you are.
I'm just saying we are living in a bullshit world that placed Black people at the bottom. All non-Black cultures view Black people as the lowest class. It's not impossible for a Non-Black person to love a Black person, but there's a lot of indoctrinated bullshit to overcome
Just wanna end this longass thread by saying I hope you feel loved today, and don't forget to brush your goddamn teeth.
