It’s crazy to think i would’ve been getting married to the wrong person right about now... i would have been stuck in a loveless, one sided marriage with a man who thought of me as somebody he “owns”... he didn’t cherish me or give me the love i deserved...

Ie: if you know me, you know that my biggest passion is making music and singing... this man told me i’m not talented enough after i wrote him a few songs and literally put me in halt. Couldn’t write or play for a couple years...

And that’s the biggest dagger to my heart now that i think of it... i really let somebody dim my light just because they were insecure about how bright i shined, man... nothing i did was ever good enough for him. EVER!

I was trying to fit myself into a mold, trying to be a boring ass circle when i was meant to be a fucking abstract sculpture! I used to be so confident but he sucked that all out of me until all i was was his girlfriend.

HECK! He even told me i was “too independent” !!!!! He basically took my self reliance as a threat to his masculinity. He was not strong enough to allow me to be the fucking baddie that i am!

I know i stayed in the relationship for almost 5 years... said yes to a half ass proposal... but i thought that the pain i felt meant i was “sacrificing” and therefore, “loving”... i could not have been more wrong...

I didn’t tell a soul that i was suffering. The dumbass did not put out nearly half as much as i did... but i did not tell anyone for i did not want them to think he was bad. I didn’t want anyone to tell me off— i was trying to protect him while i was hurting myself...

THANK GOD I FOUND JOEL! He caught me right on time. Showed me the love i always wanted, without even having to ask. He showed me what i have been missing. And he continues to court me!! He’s all that i’ve ever fucking wanted. He even does things i needed to BEG my ex for.

And now i’m singing again!!! And writing again!!! And i’m writing songs for somebody who actually thinks they’re beautiful & i’m with someone who thinks i’m a fucking model of some sorts... when in reality, he’s brighter than daylight. My most favorite view

I guess i was just in the right place at the right time. The way God orchestrated this is insane! I really couldve broken up with my ex a long time ago— i had all the reasons to & never did... but that could’ve meant i perhaps met a boy in NC and never left for New York...

But no, God made sure i stayed in a long distance relationship long enough to keep me by myself & drive me to the Big Apple where i was gonna meet my soulmate.

But I’m just thankful. Although i still feel random pangs & have really bad anxiety from it, i’m only grateful because i know i had to go thru shit so that when i met Joel, i would appreciate him even more. And good lord do i appreciate my man!

He supports me, loves me, celebrates my independence and badassery & thinks i look better than Selena Gomez! Strong enough to have me walk beside him and not behind him. God really rewarded me with bonuses too: he’s so beautiful and sooo fucking sexy! I truly fucking upgraded.

Now, this is the first time i ever posted anything about my ex since we broke up. And it will be the last time too. I just wanna put it out there: DON’T YOU EVER SETTLE DOWN GIRL!!!! DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!

We all deserve a man who will worship the ground we walk on. Just like we do with them, of course. Don’t you ever allow yourself to contort into their ideals... You were meant to stand out, bitch!!! BE YOUR QUEEN SELF AND LET SOMEONE WORTHY COME TO YOU!

Last year, i didn’t think i was gonna spend April 25th 2020 like this but instead of having a fancy ass wedding party, i’mma get naked-cuddled and loved up by my best friend. and i’ll cook us a nice little lunch too!

And truly, there is no place i’d rather be than beside @DKaramay... And under him. Or on top of him. i hope yall took something away from this thread. Again, DON’T SETTLE. Happy Saturday everybody!