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1/n
My friend in the abusive relationship just sent me this, & Holy Lord In Heaven, thank You. <3
The message has been *received*
THIS is what a narcissist does to the heart of a person who loves them. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm
My friend in the abusive relationship just sent me this, & Holy Lord In Heaven, thank You. <3
The message has been *received*
THIS is what a narcissist does to the heart of a person who loves them. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm
2/n
I see it in the church.
I see it in marriages.
I see it in families.
But what hurts my heart more than anything is when I see it in the actions and eyes of someone that a dear friend *loves*.
There's not a damn thing I can do to show them, "This person is manipulating
I see it in the church.
I see it in marriages.
I see it in families.
But what hurts my heart more than anything is when I see it in the actions and eyes of someone that a dear friend *loves*.
There's not a damn thing I can do to show them, "This person is manipulating
"...you, & using your love for them to further their own agenda. They don't give a *rat's rear end* about you, or your needs."
It's *heartbreaking* to watch that from a distance, & not be able to do a damn thing to stop it. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
It's *heartbreaking* to watch that from a distance, & not be able to do a damn thing to stop it. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
The first time I saw it in a friend's spouse, I realized, "We've been talking the entire day, & Spouse has never once asked anything about Friend. Never acknowledged Friend's existence. Friend is like a goddamn scratching post for Spouse's insecurities."
I was so angry. :(
I was so angry. :(
The article talks about "finding friends who mirror YOU back to you." People who see you for who you really are.
You're worth more than what you give to other people, and the people who love you should show you that.
You're worth more than what you give to other people, and the people who love you should show you that.
Oooh! And this is a really good idea for people who might need help getting *out* of a narcissistic relationship!
After reading this, a friend & I spent abt 15 mins just "mirroring back" the good things about our mutual friend, who is coming out of an abusive relationship. "You are this way, w/this skill, w/this good quality, and this type of expression."
Not what friend could do for US,
Not what friend could do for US,
....but who our friend IS.
This type of validation is SO absent in Narcissistic relation ship's. It's like you only exist to validate the Narc.
No other reason.
You have no needs.
Not for affection, joy, validation, rest, digestion, dreams, etc.
You are a tool to accomplish
This type of validation is SO absent in Narcissistic relation ship's. It's like you only exist to validate the Narc.
No other reason.
You have no needs.
Not for affection, joy, validation, rest, digestion, dreams, etc.
You are a tool to accomplish
....their goals. That's it.
(People who are not narcs, but raised by them, CAN fall into this trap, but will change when made aware of it. #TheVulcan, for example.)
(People who are not narcs, but raised by them, CAN fall into this trap, but will change when made aware of it. #TheVulcan, for example.)
Victims of narcs need validation. They ALSO have to learn how to validate themselves.
