If you are trying to make positive changes in your life and you find yourself struggling, take notice of how you speak to yourself. What is your internal dialogue like when you try to motivate or discipline yourself? /1

Many of "yell" at ourselves, put ourselves down, bully ourselves, etc. We say horrible things to ourselves and think it will somehow be effective and yet the change we seek doesn't come. Why? /2

If you had a friend or a small child who was struggling, would you speak to them the same way you speak to yourself? Probably not because you'd make them cry, they'd think you were mean, and they wouldn't want to listen to you. /3

So why do we speak to ourselves that way and expect it to work? It won't. It destroys our confidence and self-esteem and actually makes implementing the changes we want much harder. You've created an extra obstacle for yourself. /4

Instead, be a friend to yourself. Speak to yourself with compassion, acceptance, and understanding. And then really listen to how you respond internally to that. If you're doing it right, you should feel lighter, happier, and more motivated. /5

Don't say: "You skipped a run today and ate a donut. You are so fat and lazy. No one will ever love you. Look at yourself, you're disgusting. You're such a failure. You'll never be able to lose weight." /6

Instead say: "I made some unhealthy choices today that don't serve my goals. That's ok, we all make mistakes and tomorrow is a new day to try to get it right. I'm overweight now, but I have to start somewhere and I'll just take it one step at a time and do my best." /7

Hear the difference? In the first case, you're probably more likely to eat donuts again the next day. In the second case, you're more likely to wake up with a renewed sense of vigour towards achieving success. (You can change the wording to suit your particular goal.) /8

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Life's challenges are hard enough. You don't need to make life even harder on yourself. Let your inner world be a place of respite and peace for yourself and then retreat there, to the sound of a friendly voice, when you need a boost. /9

Maybe you think you need tough "love" on yourself. Maybe you think you'll go soft if you are kind to yourself. Well, give it a try and actually see the difference over a period of 3-6 months and decide for yourself. Most people have never tried that approach. /10