I just woke up and the first thing I did was immediately forget I was fasting, reach over to my bedside table for my water bottle, and then remember just in time

the ridiculous amount of food I ate only five hours ago naturally feels like another lifetime. it's always like this for me on the first day. by the end of the month, I won't even notice the time passing, but today? the longest day of the YEAR.

I remember being a kid and around asr time, when my parents would start cooking for iftar, the smell of food would drive me mad! and then I grew up and started cooking my own iftar meals and realised it's so, so much worse when you're the one doing the cooking.

one thing I've always tried to do is not to forget how special and magical ramadan felt for me as a child. as an adult, it becomes a duty, but I think it should also feel like something beautiful and special, the way it does when you're little.

your first sahr as a child, when you're actually allowed to get up early in the morning (way after your bedtime/before wake-up time!) and eat with your family, maybe fast for a half-day on weekends, is the most exciting thing, like finally getting into a secret club.

3AM feels exciting as a kid! it has something of the forbidden about it. usually your parents would send you to bed, but now you're awake and it's for *religion* so nobody can send you back to bed! and there's special food, things your parents don't usually cook otherwise.

you sit at the table wide awake (you're not yet old enough to feel sleepy, and you're too excited anyway) and get to listen to soft adult talk around you (your parents are unfortunately old enough to feel very sleepy) and eat until you're going to burst.

it feels like a holiday every day - which it is, in a sense! special bedtimes and special foods and visits from friends. even the extra prayers make it feel like a holiday, because there isn't a muslim holiday that doesn't involve lots of praying.

that feeling of wonder and awe and being included in something big - I feel like it shouldn't leave us as we get older. naturally ramadan when you're five and ramadan when you're fifty are very different. but the awe, the joy, I think that's so important.

I hope my first sahr of the year feels special every year. I hope I never get tired of being a part of something bigger than me. I hope ramadan never stops feeling like a holiday. it's been many years since my first one, and alhamdulillah, I haven't lost my sense of wonder yet.