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So, I just had a scary dad moment that made me realize something important. I'll share it because it might offer some insight into the 'indirect' cost of this pandemic that we, as parents, should take note of.
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With his folks working, the school year canceled, and worldly chaos unfolding around him, my 6 yo has spent many hours 'entertaining himself' in front of whatever will do the trick (TV, games, crafts, etc).
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As the parent, I considered 'no news, good news,' and while I'm busy adulting in a crazy world, a quiet child has kept himself busy in solitude. As a creature of alone time, I found no harm in it. But, my son is not like me.
He needs people. He loves them.
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He needs people. He loves them.
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So, this afternoon I asked my boy what he wanted for lunch. He was insistent that he already had lunch. He hadn't, but I played along. I asked what he ate.
He answered, "Macaroni and cheese."
That was yesterday's lunch.
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He answered, "Macaroni and cheese."
That was yesterday's lunch.
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When I explained that was yesterday, fear washed over his eyes. He started shaking. He balled his fists and refused to believe it. I continued to gently assure him that it was OK to be confused, but he broke down.
I held him in my arms. My little skinny, little boy.
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I held him in my arms. My little skinny, little boy.
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He didn't know where he was. What day it was. It was a scary-as-fuck, passing bout of childish dementia.
The more we talked, the more he returned to normal. We fixed him lunch and called it a 'snack.'
He ate it all, and asked for seconds.
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The more we talked, the more he returned to normal. We fixed him lunch and called it a 'snack.'
He ate it all, and asked for seconds.
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Later today, I'm taking him outside, and we're going to work on a puzzle together tonight.
He'll be OK, BUT--
It shined a big old spotlight on my dereliction of duty as a COVID-19 dad. I should have checked in on him sooner.
His life was uprooted...
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He'll be OK, BUT--
It shined a big old spotlight on my dereliction of duty as a COVID-19 dad. I should have checked in on him sooner.
His life was uprooted...
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And I made the mistake of thinking it would be like a summer break for him. But, removing school structure and friends had a clear psychological impact.
To cope with fear and loneliness, my son went inward and lost himself.
That's a scary superpower, I'll tell you what.
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To cope with fear and loneliness, my son went inward and lost himself.
That's a scary superpower, I'll tell you what.
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So, I guess, my point is this: check in with your children right now. Quiet doesn't mean OK. Ask them if they miss their friends. Tell them it's OK, if they feel sad or scared. If they have to be alone during the day while you work, etc, make sure you check in when you can.
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We cannot let this pandemic harm us any more than it already is. I doubly draw the line at my children.
The collateral damage of distance is not one that I anticipated, nor is it one we can ignore.
If I never see that look in my child's eyes again, I'll die happy.
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The collateral damage of distance is not one that I anticipated, nor is it one we can ignore.
If I never see that look in my child's eyes again, I'll die happy.
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PS - I am not advocating for the end of social distancing. It's important we kill this virus.
Hopefully, we'll all get a little bit better at parenting in this new, strange, annoying reality.
/FIN
Hopefully, we'll all get a little bit better at parenting in this new, strange, annoying reality.
/FIN
