Scenes from meeting that never happened:

A: Monitoring detected the anomaly at XX:XX on Tuesday. We immediately spun up an incident response.
B: You should have tweeted about it.
A: ... No, we followed the runbook, which has comms strategy laid out on page 4.
B: So you knew this sort of thing could happen and didn’t tell anybody? You monster.
A: No, we knew this sort of thing could happen and therefore had a plan for when it did, which we executed on.
B: You’re so smug.
A: ... Please remind me what your purpose is in this meeting.
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