People ask “how are you”. It’s hard to answer.

I’m healthy, safe, have resources.
I’m stretched thin, have many things I do, none of which I feel I do well enough , so feel expert at nothing, failing at everything.
Given #1, have guilt re: #2, so shame then ensues
/1

I also feel guilty even posting about this now bc I don’t want to be seen as complaining, with the suffering that surrounds us, and it feels selfish to think it, let alone mention it.

So we pile shame on top of the complicated and difficult emotions we experience.
/2

This culture of shame around our emotions is so pervasive, so toxic, and so contagious, that even the most emotionally aware amongst us are not immune.
/3

Admitting that I feel like I’m not doing anything well enough to the standards I set for myself (beyond taking care of patients- this is perhaps the one thing that forever remains protected) is painful.
/4

The fear and anxiety I have about being judged for what I do, what I don’t do, what I say or don’t say, or how well or poorly I do any of it is also painful to admit, but it’s there.
/5

I don’t have a creative or inspiring ending to this today.

Just that I don’t feel on my A game and it’s a confusing and odd time right now and I wish I felt stronger but I don’t.

6/6