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im not the first to say this, won't be the last:
surviving past trauma = having tactics that, when needed, kept us alive + moving forward, but at some point, if we're lucky, became unnecessary for our daily lives.
yet these survival 'habits' continue to run in the background 1/
surviving past trauma = having tactics that, when needed, kept us alive + moving forward, but at some point, if we're lucky, became unnecessary for our daily lives.
yet these survival 'habits' continue to run in the background 1/
often w/out conscious thought. they're a normal part of how we function, often integral to our identity. but when we're stressed, our consciousness of them diminishes while our reliance on them increases. until we've convinced ourselves subconsciously that we're back in
2/
2/
survival mode—even if our circumstances don't warrant it. so we behave+feel like we're reliving that old trauma, sometimes in big ways, sometimes small, sometimes both. it's exhausting and frightening and confusing. it takes a toll on our overall health + on our relationships.
3/
3/
if you know me, you already know im going to tell you:
be kind to yourself. ask the ones who love you for their kindness too. create space for self-assessment by saying no when it's too much, saying yes when it's fulfilling or fun, saying here are my boundaries + i need space
4/
be kind to yourself. ask the ones who love you for their kindness too. create space for self-assessment by saying no when it's too much, saying yes when it's fulfilling or fun, saying here are my boundaries + i need space
4/
ask the ones who love you to tell you when they see you hurting yourself like this. promise them you'll listen. that's probably the hardest part. we have to listen when our loved ones tell us things we don't want to hear. doesn't mean agreement, just openness to another way.
5/
5/
for me, funny/not so funny, how strongly i want to ignore something like this from a loved one is directly proportional to how important it is for me to hear it. i don't think im alone in that, either
different people can experience the same traumatic thing, but come out w/
6/
different people can experience the same traumatic thing, but come out w/
6/
very disparate ways to survive it. and some don't survive at all. but if we're lucky enough to survive trauma, we can create our lives by design: at any given moment, we can choose survival habits/tactics that no longer serve us or we can choose to set aside those habits.
7/
7/
the trick= train ourselves to recognize outmoded survival habits + to give ourselves space to reckon with them in the moment + then to make our choice from the clarity we've created for ourselves.
8/
8/
sometimes, we'll end up choosing the old habits. THIS IS OK. let's be kind when we realize we did it again. we are, in fact, human.
and at other times, we'll choose to be free. the more we choose a new way forward, the easier it becomes.
that's my hope for all of us.
/end
and at other times, we'll choose to be free. the more we choose a new way forward, the easier it becomes.
that's my hope for all of us.
/end
