I know that I will instantly regret signing up for this ten minutes in but for now, I am invigorated and ready for the madness! #loveneverdies

Yes, I do have a full bottle of prosecco just for this night. #loveneverdies

ICYMI: I wrote about my love for my murder basement incel trash man on @pajiba this week. https://www.pajiba.com/miscellaneous/why-the-phantom-of-the-opera-remains-my-most-beloved-pop-culture-trash.php

One glass in already! #LoveNeverDies

A reminder that, alas, there is no Ramin Karimloo tonight. #loveneverdies

Hey, remember all that really interesting characterization in the first musical and how it ended with a satisfying emotional climax about growing up, letting go of obsession, and gaining empathy? Yeah, there is none of that here. #loveneverdies

Phantom is already an extremely fanficcy show - hi, Sarah Brightman - but boy, LND jumps that shark out of the gate! #LoveNeverDies

The tall circus performer's name is Sir We Couldn't Afford Alan Cumming. #LoveNeverDies

ALW treats Meg in this story like every fanfic that sees her as Christine's competition for Erik's affections. It'd be much more gross if it wasn't hysterical. #loveneverdies

A reminder that Meg and Erik have ZERO stage-time together in the original show. But now she's obsessed with him and fucks tons of men on his behalf for investor funding. Growth! #LoveNeverDies

Me with POTO: "Raoul is the worst."
ALW: *turns Raoul into a drunken douchebag*
Me: "How dare he besmirch this precious man?!"

#loveneverdies

Ah yes, I do love it when the carriage of nightmares turns out to be my taxi. Very normal stuff in New York, I assume. #loveneverdies

You know what Phantom was missing? A precocious moppet. #loveneverdies

There's a reason the nickname for the show was Paint Never Dries. #LoveNeverDies

At least Erik has a new coat? It's a nice coat! #loveneverdies

Get on with the sex song! #loveneverdies

And now, let us sing in EXCRUCIATING DETAIL about that one night we banged. As you do. #loveneverdies

"A woman and a man, no more and no less."

I mean, sure, Andy? #loveneverdies

This song is all about how great their shagging is but let's be honest, this was bad sex. #loveneverdies

Look, I get that these actors are mugging for the cheap seats but oh bless, the grimacing. #LoveNeverDies

"Hey, remember the awesome sex we had that one time? Well, back to blackmailing you. That's the foreplay, baby." #loveneverdies

I'm trying to imagine Erik sulking around his organ in full cape gear as he writes a toe-tapping bathing beauty ditty. #loveneverdies

"I need a drink."

Raoul is me. #loveneverdies

"Hmm, the kid can play some basic piano tunes. He must be mine!" #loveneverdies

Wait, so how old is the kid? #loveneverdies

And now we come to the one pretty good song in the show and that guitar shredding is sublime! Bring me my trash, Andy! #loveneverdies

Just pretend this song isn't being sung to a ten-year-old. #loveneverdies

Erik's plans for Gustav. #loveneverdies

"Why does she love me?"

I dunno, Raoul. I knew in the first show. #loveneverdies

If you think this night doesn't end with me six glasses in ordering all the vanity press Phantom fic on Amazon then you don't know me at all. #loveneverdies

So Erik totally killed the bartender, right? #loveneverdies

A reminder that Christine is contractually obliged to sing for Erik, so this bet is even shittier in hindsight! #loveneverdies

I do respect the Phantom's refusal to use doors at any given time. #loveneverdies

The necklace is totally a dollar store version of the one Satine gets in Moulin Rouge, right? #loveneverdies

"Love never dies" sounds like such a threat. #loveneverdies

Yeah, this kiss is way less hot than the one in the first musical. And I resent having to type that out, three glasses in. #loveneverdies

"I know where she's going!"

How?! Fucking how, Erik?! #loveneverdies

"We can't all be like Christine."

Erik, you are such a prick. #loveneverdies

"Hey son, I know you're ten and this masked dude scares the hell out of you, but this is daddy so I'm gonna die now." #loveneverdies

How does anyone have the restraint to watch this show in a theatre, sober and not outwardly cackling for several hours?! #loveneverdies

Here, Raoul, let me just hand your wife's corpse to you while I go and officially claim custody of the kid you've raised for ten years. Closure!" #loveneverdies

Ah, this was so much fun. This was the perfect show for my lockdown-addled mind. #loveneverdies

Let's end this madness with more images of Ramin Karimloo to cleanse your timeline. #loveneverdies