For the last 5 years I have been burnt out and now I am been dealing with the aftermath of it

Since I’ve gotten out the military I have been dealing with crippling panic attacks that come out of nowhere.

Yesterday, during one of my panic attacks I thought I was having a heart attack and had my Wife take me to the hospital.

This panic attack felt different because My left arm went numb and it was really scary

The truth is I think I wanted it to be a heart attack because it would mean that I was strong and wasn’t folding under pressure.

I always like to be seen as a calm cool and together and these last few weeks have been anything but that.

Turns out that I my body was just responding to the pressures of life that can pile up if one doesn’t take care of themselves internally.

“Stress kills too”- My charge nurse. That was a sobering statement that is forcing me to change how I deal [or not deal] with everything.

I’m not saying any of this for sympthaty but to hopefully encourage someone who is experiencing a really tough time in life. You don’t have to have all of the answers nor do you have to always have it together. Life is messy, and sometimes you gotta sit in the mess.

I have to sort through the mess and then rebuild. Rebuild with a more solid foundation. A foundation built on holistic practices and TRULY embrace mindfulness. Not the memes we share on IG mindfulness but like, truly engage in mindful behavior.

I have no idea what that looks like for me but I ever want to feel like this again so I will pursue it like my life depends on it.

Anybody who knows me frfr knows I’m extremely personal and usually wouldn’t say anything but it’s important to me to be very honest because I know I’m not the only Black Man carrying this weight. So hopefully it helps.