Before finishing school, I was so about my future. I even have a list on what should I do, which university to applied, what major should I take. What is the pros and cons of the major. Let's not talk abt before 13, my ambition was to be a freaking astronaut. Here come the list.

1. At the age of 13 or so, my passion is lawyer. I was crazy abt becoming a lawyer. Low key blame kdrama "I Can Hear Your Voice". I just want to do law, it doesn't matter if I didn't become a lawyer, I can become a prosecutor or attorney. Which is great as long as I do law (cont)

But then, I realized how lazy I am. I realized that I may be good at school, have good grade but it's at that school only. I suck! Eventho, to this day, I still want to do law but I know my limit. Teachers were rooting for me but I gave up on it, intentionally.

2. Next, I want to be a patissier. This one put a blame on Lee Donghae in "Panda and Hedgehog". I have a dream to open my own bakery and stuff hahahaha funnihhh tbh I wasn't give up on this one it just another option (probably for another day).

3. Funnily enough, I thought of becoming a forensic but I got into an art class and not biology, huh. This one put a blame on my sis. I learn bio at a young age because of her but I was not capable of doing science I guess. Plus, it's scary.

4. And at 15, I want to be a journalist. Blame "Pinocchio" (or any kdrama that hv Lee Jongsuk in it). Since everyone said I'm good with words and stuff. I'm brave to speak but the truth is... I am not. I do find joy and things that I did but it kinda get complicated.

I graduated and applied to Masscomm. Which it fit me but at the same time it doesn't. Every sem I struggle with this but I like it tho. I... have no idea... how difficult it would be. No, not the course, the... the thing. The confident, the 'everyone is greater than you'

I struggled with that. A LOT! I lost my confident. I'm not good at making new friends and everyone look fancy, luxurious while... I'm just a kampung girl. I felt like... I left everything at the university's gate, every bits, every piece of me...

I felt like I lost my ability to speak, I lost how to alampal, I was good at it tho. I suddenly become zero. Let say, the moment I went for the interview, I lost my everything. Plus, I hv no one to talk to, well, except my sis and that's a different story.

But after two years, I think I had it back piece by piece and now it almost over, I have one sem left, kinda. I just hope it won't happened again. It hurt. It painful to have a thought that you're not good enough for everything.

... tbh, I have no idea why I made this thread. I just want to let go of everything, I guess but it doesn't it still here, in my head bothering me. There's so much more than just this. It just fucked up. idk... im sad, and confused and... alone...

Thank you tho @Twitter for listening. I appreciate it a lot.