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[A thread] So, I am feeling anxious right now. It usually comes out of the blue. Right now, I& #39;m feeling very nervous and restless. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. My hands are shaking as I& #39;m typing this. I& #39;m sweating and I feel a bit dizzy. The reason I am typing this-
is because I want to put what I am experiencing right now into words to help ease it. I am feeling very on edge now. Like something bad is about to happen. The thoughts that I& #39;m thinking about now is "Someone is probably judging me right now." or "Someone doesn& #39;t like me."
Just thinking about all that makes me even more anxious & depressed and in turn made me doubt myself incredibly. My mind is now filled with negative thoughts. "You& #39;re not worth it." "You& #39;re not good enough." "You are such a burden."
I go from feeling anxious to feeling depressed very easily. Sometimes, I don& #39;t even realise I& #39;m entering that depressed state. I feel like this at least two or three times a week. Sometimes more. Every time it happens, it can last for hours, sometimes days. It varies.
Back when my state was much worse, it lasted for weeks. During that time, I remember feeling worthless and hopeless, like I don& #39;t have anything left to live for. It sucks so badly. I also remember how numb I was. I didn& #39;t feel happy nor sad. I just felt empty.
It was one of the worst moments in my life and I didn& #39;t even realise I was depressed until this one point on this one night where I had a major breakdown in front of my whole family. I won& #39;t go into detail about this. I just want to share what happened afterwards.
After that night, I went for counselling. There, the counsellor told me "I think you have depression and I am going to refer you to a psychiatrist." Hearing that, surprisingly I felt a relief. It felt like a door just opened, that I have hope and I can survive this.
I was confused about my feelings because it was not what I expected I would feel. Immediately after the session was over, I called my mom and told her about it without hesitation. She was speechless at first because why wouldn& #39;t she? Later on that night, my mom called me and-
we had a heart-to-heart talk. In so long, that was the first time I felt so so loved and just from that talk with my mom, my condition has improved tremendously over time.
It became my anchor of hope. It was like a burden was lifted off my shoulder & there is now light in my darkness. I can feel things again and I started to feel more like myself. I started doing the things I love and I just feel so much better.
But of course, it doesn& #39;t just disappear overnight. I still feel anxious & depressed sometimes. I just cope much better now. This leads me to the next thing I& #39;m about to share. Early this week, I had an anxiety attack right after I woke up. I had these symptoms below:
- surge of overwhelming panic
- hands were shaking
- trouble breathing
- heart beating fast
- couldn& #39;t sit still
- sweating
- hands were shaking
- trouble breathing
- heart beating fast
- couldn& #39;t sit still
- sweating
So, I cleaned myself, organised my table, put on music. All that to distract myself. Then, I sat down on my chair thinking about anything else that I can do. But still, I felt restless.
So, I tried meditating for the first time. I sat on the floor trying to calm myself even though every nerve in my mind is fighting against me. I focused on my breath, the sound of the birds chirping, the sensations I felt in my body, the pounding of my heart.
Then, I focused on my thoughts and feelings. I let myself feel everything. I separated myself from my thoughts and told myself "This is going to pass". I did deep belly breathing and focused on just that. A few minutes later, I was feeling so much better and even felt-
very productive. I felt motivated to study and I was in a very good mood for the whole day. I never thought meditation could help until I tried it myself. Now, I& #39;m coming towards the end of this thread. My anxiety has passed while I was typing without me even realising it.
