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[A thread] So, I am feeling anxious right now. It usually comes out of the blue. Right now, I'm feeling very nervous and restless. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. My hands are shaking as I'm typing this. I'm sweating and I feel a bit dizzy. The reason I am typing this-
is because I want to put what I am experiencing right now into words to help ease it. I am feeling very on edge now. Like something bad is about to happen. The thoughts that I'm thinking about now is "Someone is probably judging me right now." or "Someone doesn't like me."
Just thinking about all that makes me even more anxious & depressed and in turn made me doubt myself incredibly. My mind is now filled with negative thoughts. "You're not worth it." "You're not good enough." "You are such a burden."
I go from feeling anxious to feeling depressed very easily. Sometimes, I don't even realise I'm entering that depressed state. I feel like this at least two or three times a week. Sometimes more. Every time it happens, it can last for hours, sometimes days. It varies.
Back when my state was much worse, it lasted for weeks. During that time, I remember feeling worthless and hopeless, like I don't have anything left to live for. It sucks so badly. I also remember how numb I was. I didn't feel happy nor sad. I just felt empty.
It was one of the worst moments in my life and I didn't even realise I was depressed until this one point on this one night where I had a major breakdown in front of my whole family. I won't go into detail about this. I just want to share what happened afterwards.
After that night, I went for counselling. There, the counsellor told me "I think you have depression and I am going to refer you to a psychiatrist." Hearing that, surprisingly I felt a relief. It felt like a door just opened, that I have hope and I can survive this.
I was confused about my feelings because it was not what I expected I would feel. Immediately after the session was over, I called my mom and told her about it without hesitation. She was speechless at first because why wouldn't she? Later on that night, my mom called me and-
we had a heart-to-heart talk. In so long, that was the first time I felt so so loved and just from that talk with my mom, my condition has improved tremendously over time.
It became my anchor of hope. It was like a burden was lifted off my shoulder & there is now light in my darkness. I can feel things again and I started to feel more like myself. I started doing the things I love and I just feel so much better.
But of course, it doesn't just disappear overnight. I still feel anxious & depressed sometimes. I just cope much better now. This leads me to the next thing I'm about to share. Early this week, I had an anxiety attack right after I woke up. I had these symptoms below:
- surge of overwhelming panic
- hands were shaking
- trouble breathing
- heart beating fast
- couldn't sit still
- sweating
- hands were shaking
- trouble breathing
- heart beating fast
- couldn't sit still
- sweating
So, I cleaned myself, organised my table, put on music. All that to distract myself. Then, I sat down on my chair thinking about anything else that I can do. But still, I felt restless.
So, I tried meditating for the first time. I sat on the floor trying to calm myself even though every nerve in my mind is fighting against me. I focused on my breath, the sound of the birds chirping, the sensations I felt in my body, the pounding of my heart.
Then, I focused on my thoughts and feelings. I let myself feel everything. I separated myself from my thoughts and told myself "This is going to pass". I did deep belly breathing and focused on just that. A few minutes later, I was feeling so much better and even felt-
very productive. I felt motivated to study and I was in a very good mood for the whole day. I never thought meditation could help until I tried it myself. Now, I'm coming towards the end of this thread. My anxiety has passed while I was typing without me even realising it.
I felt better much better now and I am so glad that my anxiety didn't last long. To end this thread, I hope everyone benefited from my little sharing & to all the depression and anxiety fighters, it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling now. It is going to pass. Lots of love<3
