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Words that have lost all meaning or that we can no longer use w/o being misunderstood, cringing, or being minimized:
-problematic
-bullying
-narcissistic
-gaslighting
I really want to talk about that last one bc abuse survivors keep losing VERY important words bc of co-opting.
-problematic
-bullying
-narcissistic
-gaslighting
I really want to talk about that last one bc abuse survivors keep losing VERY important words bc of co-opting.
I've recently seen folks advocate broadening the term gaslighting, amongst other words.
Other folks have gotten upset when called out for misusing terms bc it's "close enough", related, "a type of that", or bc accurate phrasing takes too many words/characters while typing.
Other folks have gotten upset when called out for misusing terms bc it's "close enough", related, "a type of that", or bc accurate phrasing takes too many words/characters while typing.
Here's why it matters:
When you overuse/misuse terms, those who depend on them to talk about their VERY specific, unique experience now can't. Their already-ignored trauma was reduced to commonplace.
When every skin mole is cancer, everyone thinks they know what cancer's like.
When you overuse/misuse terms, those who depend on them to talk about their VERY specific, unique experience now can't. Their already-ignored trauma was reduced to commonplace.
When every skin mole is cancer, everyone thinks they know what cancer's like.
When a celebrity rcving some anonymous comments online claims they're "bullied everyday"...
..kids being physically and mentally tormented by someone with COMPLETE power over them are no longer taken as seriously if they finally get the courage to say "I'm being bullied".
..kids being physically and mentally tormented by someone with COMPLETE power over them are no longer taken as seriously if they finally get the courage to say "I'm being bullied".
When the friend who tends to dominate conversations is labeled "such a toxic narcissist"...
...survivors of narcissistic abuse who enter therapy and say they dated a narcissist are assumed to be hyperbolizing or misusing the term. They aren't met w/ the appropriate alarm.
...survivors of narcissistic abuse who enter therapy and say they dated a narcissist are assumed to be hyperbolizing or misusing the term. They aren't met w/ the appropriate alarm.
Narc abuse, just like gaslighting, are *fundamentally different* and require not only specialized trauma therapy, but a trauma therapist who's additionally well-versed in yet another subset.
This is just one example in a sea of about 20,000 created by misusing terms.
This is just one example in a sea of about 20,000 created by misusing terms.
But mostly, it keeps happening to abuse survivors. Everyone wants to overdramaticize [valid, real but minor] issues SO badly it dilutes what those atrocities *actually* look like.
We've seen this w/ racism, homophobia, sexism, ableism. When EVERYTHING is ___, nothing is anymore.
We've seen this w/ racism, homophobia, sexism, ableism. When EVERYTHING is ___, nothing is anymore.
The worst part is, there are almost always words for The Thing someone is actually referring to. They already exist. The situation-specific terms were created TO describe a critically different thing.
Broadening the scope or allowing a spectrum defeats the whole purpose.
Broadening the scope or allowing a spectrum defeats the whole purpose.
We then have to create new words again to say "yeah no, this is different from that", when you HAVE 20 other words available to use.
But I get it. It's often attn-getting, a buzzword, the only one you recall bc you hear it so much, or using longer phrases for clarity takes work.
But I get it. It's often attn-getting, a buzzword, the only one you recall bc you hear it so much, or using longer phrases for clarity takes work.
So, what IS gaslighting? When should it be used, when is actually something else, when's it misapplied, and what other phrases are available?
I'll try to tackle that here, but first I need a snack, lol.
I'll try to tackle that here, but first I need a snack, lol.
