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Keep seeing shit about Call Me By Your Name and that whole debate so - yes a 24y/o and a 17y/o is predatory and here’s why:
For the teenagers: some of us look older than we actually are. Some of us may know that looking older leads to some uncomfortable comments. This is the same thing as when an adult goes, “Wow, you’re mature for your age.” You’re 17; on the cusp of adulthood, but not quite. You
can’t quite buy cigarettes yet, you can’t quite get a tattoo on your own, you can’t quite get your Class C. You just want to be an adult already, even if it seems kind of scary. Because, when you’re an adult, you have control. Your parents can’t decide everything for you.
So, when someone comes along and treats you like, talks to you like, acts like you’re an adult, you’re flattered. You’re excited, because someone’s finally respecting you. But in your excitement, you don’t stop to think about how much older that 24y/o you’ve been talking to
actually is. You don’t stop to think about how this person may already have a bachelor’s degree. Maybe they secretly have kids; been in a relationship for longer than you’ve been in high school; live on their own. They can drink and buy vapes and go out whenever they want.
You don’t stop to think about how different they are, and how you might become dependent on them. Get used to things you’re just not ready to get used to. Seek validation from them, because they think you’re an adult. You may push yourself further because you want to prove you’re
an adult. You may push yourself too far; if you’re seeking validation in your maturity, maybe you start seeking out older partners. Maybe those partners trick you or use you or groom you, and you’re too young to realize that they do know you’re vulnerable.
For the adults: let’s say you’re 24. How emotionally mature were you when you were 17? Not very, I’d imagine. You still wanted to know if someone would love you ten years from then, you wanted to know where in life you’d manage, and you probably just wanted to fast forward
to wherever you are now. Now, you probably have a job. Maybe you’ve gotten a degree or a certification, maybe not, but either way, you’re on you certainly know you’re an adult. Maybe you’re working at a fast food joint and the new employee, 17 and bright eyed shows up.
They look like they could be 21, with the way they walk and talk and hold themselves, and you’re impressed. Maybe this one is actually mature for their age. But then you spend a few shifts talking to them, making conversation to make the hours pass. And then you’re reminded:
they don’t know shit. Every time they talk about their crush, you’re reminded that their hormones are all out of whack. Maybe they’re getting better, but who knows when they’ll get stable ENOUGH. Every time they complain about homework, you remember that they’re in high school,
not college. Every time they wax poetic about their significant other, you remember that they think they’ve already found their soulmate at 17 and how you know they most likely haven’t. But they’re 17; getting ghosted feels like the end of the world and not knowing where they’ll
be in ten years is terrifying. They don’t know how they’re going to make it through the next year, let alone the one after that or the one after that. So they look up to you, someone who’s made a good dent in the next ten years. They take your advice, listen to your cautionary
tales, trust that you’re guiding them in a good direction. And, quite frankly, you’d be a pretty shitty person to take advantage of that trust.
