And the winner, by a commanding lead, is THE LITTLE MERMAID (series) SEASON 3, EPISODE 2, "KING CRAB!" https://twitter.com/efvdpodcast/status/1253143495314833408

(My apologies for the delay tonight, the episode itself will get going around 9:15PM Pacific time)

(Ugh. Make that 9:30PM. Again, sorry folks.)

(GAAAA. Y'know what, let's just say 10PM. Again, really sorry.)

One of the major aspects of Michael Eisner's reign at Disney that distinguished it from all that came before was TV animation.

Despite obviously being ubiquitous pioneers in theatrical animation, for decades Disney rejected the concept of TV animation aside from the occasional special, not wanting their own high standards dragged down to the level of Hanna-Barbera and their ilk.

That all changed when Eisner came aboard. Early in his career, he'd been head of Saturday Morning programming at ABC, and at Disney he basically said "We're not NOT doing Saturday morning cartoons. Way too much money to be made."

He immediately founded a division called the Walt Disney Pictures Television Animation Group, later shortened to Walt Disney Television Animation, later shortened again to Disney Television Animation, or DTVA.

Without any recent blockbuster animated hits to pull ideas from, DTVA was forced to rely on weird semi-original ideas based on somewhat lesser-known properties, or at least strange re-imaginings of said properties.

Famously, after setting up this new division, Eisner's first memo said "my kid really likes that gummi bear candy, can you make a show about that?"

And indeed they did.

The early days of DTVA were fueled by a sense of "Sure, why not?"

An adventure series based on Carl Barks' Uncle Scrooge comics? Sure, why not? Chip and Dale start a detective agency? Sure, why not? Tales Of The Golden Monkey but with the Jungle Book characters? Sure, why not? A DuckTales spin-off about an incompetent superhero? Sure, why not?

These series were developed for Saturday morning network blocks, then of course once they had enough of them they launched the famously beloved "Disney Afternoon" daily syndicated block, a staple of millennial childhoods.

And I daresay, these cartoons were more fondly remembered BECAUSE they weren't based on recent hit movies, allowing them to be their own unique thing.

But then in 1989...Disney animation DID have its own blockbuster hit movie.

And Eisner just couldn't resist.

The Little Mermaid series premiered on CBS Saturday mornings in the fall of 1992. For some reason it was NOT ever included in The Disney Afternoon, and I'm not sure why - maybe they thought TLM was a "girls' show" while TDA skewed more for boys?

It wouldn't be the last Disney animated hit to get its own TV series. Later on, they gave adventure shows to Aladdin and Hercules (all three were Musker/Clements joints, huh) along with more cartoon-y spin-offs like the Timon & Pumbaa series and The Emperor's New School.

And remarkably, the Little Mermaid series managed to keep most of the film's voice cast, including Jodi Benson as Ariel, Samuel E. Wright as Sebastian and Kenneth Mars as Triton.

I never religiously watched the Little Mermaid series (again, "girls show" and I was a dumbass little boy) but I caught a few episodes here and there and...I'll be honest, I never quite got into it. I was never able to get past how cheap it looked.

Viscerally, the animation always seemed way too crude and...well, Saturday Morning-y to fit in the same universe as the lush, beautiful feature film.

(It would take another decade or so for computer technology to allow Disney's TV and direct-to-video animated projects to cheaply and quickly add things like shading.)

So yeah, I don't remember too much about the Little Mermaid series. I vaguely remember there was an episode with dinosaurs, an episode where they rescued an orca whale from a Sea World-esque park (prescient!) and an episode where Sebastian grew to giant size? Am I right?

Ariel was a mermaid the whole time and Eric barely showed up, so presumably the series took place BEFORE the movie.

Wouldn't it have been great if, during the movie, Ariel had suddenly said "hey Sebastian, remember when you were a fuckin' giant? That was weird."

But the episode the almighty randomizer has chosen is presumably none of those - it's season three, episode two, "King Crab." Description: "Sebastian's parents are coming to visit."

Again, sorry for the delay tonight folks (stupid fucked-up sleep patterns), but we will get started with the livetweet in roughly seventeen minutes. See you then!

And we're off!

I mean, this show looked about as good as anyone could've reasonably expected from 1992 Saturday morning programming, but...yeah, this ain't the movie.

Did Disney do Free Willy before Free Willy?

"The Snail Man?"

That's just a damn snail

So the snail man is a mailman

They predicted the internet, this is literally snail mail

Also how do the underwater fish-people have paper?

I have so many questions

Of course Sebastian's fulla shit

Sebastian's parents are fucking hideous

I don't...

I'm sorry, I'm still hung up on this...why call him "the snail MAN?" I get it's a pun, but they hate humans. "Snail MAN" would be a fuckin' slur.

What's up with the damn weiner blonde kid

Does he meet some dark demise that keeps him from being in the movie? Is he the Kim Wexler of this franchise?

So Sebastian has to pretend to be the king of Underwater World to impress his dumbass hideous parents.

This show is a nightmare.

GAAA every time it cuts to the parents I lose another year from my life

I mean it shouldn't be TOO hard to pretend Sebastian's an asshole king, just pretend he's Triton, the real asshole king.

Say, do Ariel's sisters ever show up on this show?

Cuz there were six of them, kinda feels like they should

GODFATHER SHARK?!?

So this show predicted Shark Tale too

That's Maurice LaMarche doing a Goddamn Brando impression

"Magic Lump?" Y'all ain't even trying

WHY ARE THE SHARKS EVEN FUCKING TALKING

That one shark who pursued Ariel in the movie didn't talk

What the fuck is happening

Guh buh wuh

They unleashed Hexxus from Ferngully?

the fuck is happening

WHY ARE THERE MAFIA SHARKS

this is all canon motherfuckers

"Under the Sea" shoulda had a verse about the evil mafia sharks and their magic lump that unleashes underwater Hexxus zero stars

So now everybody's gotta indulge Sebastian's dumbass lie

I'm just patiently waiting for it to cut back to the mafia sharks

Is it possible to get drunk with power if you live underwater? Hard to really "drink" anything down there.

So Ariel and Urchin are totally fuck buddies right?

C'mon, we're all thinkin' it

God these parents change their minds a lot

This episode shoulda been titled "Sebastian Ruins Everything."

Brief reminder that the Mafia Sharks still exist and then COMMERCIAL BREAK!

What easily-led constituents

You just know there was a Bernie-esque revolution of merfolk who were sick and tired of this dumb shit

Annnnd Triton suddenly shows up...NOW.

NNNNNNNNOW.

why are the merpeople at war with mafia sharks

this is needless

Oh great now he's gonna sing "Toxic Love" and...

wait, that'd be better than anything else in this episode carry on

Seriously that design is just fucking Hexxus but blue-ish purple.

First Disney steals Robin Williams from Ferngully, and then...

And NOW the adult shows up. Can't fucking leave these assholes for five minutes...

YAAAAY ARIEL'S ABUSIVE FATHER IS DEAD LONG LIVE THE MAFIA SHARKS

wh...what?

Why is the solution "We gotta get the monster back into the thing it came from?"

Toothpaste doesn't go back into the tube sweetie

"HA! You were defeated by the power of holding a thing up to a thing!"

Wait why DOESN'T Triton yell at Sebastian right now? He literally fucked everything else and almost got the kingdom destroyed by talking sharks WHY DID THE SHARKS TALK

And it's over

So yeah, you know that delightful crab character who sang about life under the sea, kids? Turns out he's a self-absorbed doofus who ruins everything and faces no consequences for it.

That's the message of this episode kids.

I did get a LITTLE ironic enjoyment out of the dumber elements (fucking mafia sharks?) but...yeah, HARD Disney Minus on this one. A ridiculous-ass tarnish on the movie's legacy.

Join me next week, and every Thursday night until the podcast hiatus ends, for another @disneyplus livetweet!

WHY DID THE SHARKS TALK god this was stupid