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i think a big part of healing from sexual trauma for me was learning how to touch myself. for a long time i didn’t believe my body was mine, so the thought of pleasuring myself was foreign and uncomfortable for me.
i viewed sex as something that was for the other person more so than for me. as if i didn’t deserve to be satisfied or fulfilled in that way.
once i learned how to make myself cum it was like a whole new world opened up for me.
i didn’t learn this until my early 20s. about two years ago to be exact. up until then i was oblivious to what i *actually* wanted/needed from sex.
once i gave myself my first orgasm i had a revelation about my previous sexual partners and why i never really “got off” with them. it wasn’t that there was something wrong with me, it’s that i didn’t truly feel comfortable with them in the first place.
i didn’t know that comfort was something i needed in sex. all my experiences until then had been about hooking up. no real intimacy. no real trust. and i think that’s because i hadn’t shown any real intimacy, trust or comfort towards myself.
growing up, no one really talked to me about loving yourself in this way. i’m haitian and from a religious family so i got “save it for marriage” drilled into my head and that was pretty much it.
this thread is kind of all over the place, but i say all this to say: it’s ok to be a late bloomer, and it’s ok to explore your body and give yourself pleasure for nobody else but you. your body is yours and nobody else’s. you deserve to feel amazing. happy fapping 
