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it's impossible to win their game
a short personal thread about my past and our times
cw: bullies, child abuse, gaslighting, board games
a short personal thread about my past and our times
cw: bullies, child abuse, gaslighting, board games
I try to enjoy board games, because basically every one of my friends loves board games. But it's really hard for me because I was gaslit about rules growing up. If I was doing well, the rules would suddenly change.
Of course, I would speak up. Get shouted down. Lose my temper, flip the table, then ... violence. But they never relented, never admitted to a damn thing. I wanted to play so badly but I was always bewildered and started to believe I wasn't smart enough. Broken.
This was most of my life up to 14 or 15 years old. When shit like that happens, we adapt and become responsive to the patterns that hurt us. I think about it a lot to this day. Because it pains me that it pains me and because it's writ so large in the West.
This also happened all over in my life. I went to homogeneous suburban Michigan schools, and an interesting thing that happens is there's the kids who are just at the bottom. Divorced or abusive parents. Poor. Weird. I was one.
Being the shit kid means misuse of authority and privilege at every turn. For example, some of the bigger kids kicked my ass repeatedly and each time I got suspended for it. Told I should have stood down first so it was my fault. Beaten for backtalk.
Bullies with power will change the rules, reward cronies,
gaslight, and never show remorse. Good people can't win at their game. Flip the fucking table.
gaslight, and never show remorse. Good people can't win at their game. Flip the fucking table.
