“There’s this potion, it’s a very magical thing, Love Potion #9, which is used for Love and it’s the top thing in terms of potions, they made eight Love Potions not so good, but #9, tremendous, and I would like you to ask the MEDICAL doctors if this could work on the corona.”

“They call it the mash. It’s a monster mash. The monster mash. It’s a graveyard smash. Perhaps the mash can kill this monster, which is invisible, like the Invisible Man, who is a monster. You put the mash in maybe the lung. I say maybe it can, maybe it can’t. I’m not a doctor.”

“This treatment—I call it a treatment, is strongly effective on certain...things—you know the things. You drink a Whiskey drink you drink a Vodka drink, drink a Lager drink, you drink a Cider drink. You get knocked down, you get up again. Nothing gonna keep you down. Tremendous.”

"I was feeling. SO bad. I asked my family doctor—a very substantial guy named Jim—I asked him, just what I had, I said 'doctor' (doctor—I call him doctor in the sense of medical) I said 'Mister MD, can you tell me what's ailing me?' He said, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah..."

"If you're cohabitating and are consenting adults, it certainly won't hurt anything, and it might even be fun, but no, there are no prophylactic effects to it, and if your loved one has shown symptoms of Covid19, do not, under any circumstances, give them 'good love.'"