#1 - BENGALS draft JOE BURROW, QB, LSU

STRENGTHS: Accuracy, decision making, mobility.

WEAKNESSES: Likes to huddle in groups of 11, which is now illegal. Likely will be jailed by September.

#2 - WASHINGTON drafts CHASE YOUNG, DE, Ohio State

STRENGTHS: Name is a verb and noun that works perfectly for his job.

WEAKNESSES: Wasn't smart enough to transfer to LSU with Joe Burrow.

#3 - LIONS draft JEFF OKUDAH, CB, Ohio State

STRENGTHS: Great tackler.

WEAKNESSES: Selection fails to address the Lions' 21 other positions of need.

#4 - NY GIANTS draft ANDREW THOMAS, OT, Georgia

STRENGTHS: Probably has photos with Uga, which could really drive Instagram engagement.

WEAKNESSES: Giants GM Dave Gettleman is very high on him, so he undoubtedly sucks.

#5 - DOLPHINS draft TUA TAGOVAILOA, QB, Alabama

STRENGTHS: Could be the best QB talent in the draft.

WEAKNESSES: Sometimes his legs pop off like your kid's off-brand action figures.

#6 - CHARGERS draft JUSTIN HERBERT, QB, Oregon

STRENGTHS: Doesn't make stupid faces like Philip Rivers.

WEAKNESSES: Has two first names and the second one is especially bad.

#7 - PANTHERS draft DERRICK BROWN, DT, Auburn

STRENGTHS: Huge force on the interior line.

WEAKNESSES: Was a no-show in the Super Bowl against the Broncos when Carolina really could have used him.

#8 - CARDINALS draft ISAIAH SIMMONS, OLB, Clemson

STRENGTHS: Arizona can probably trade him to Houston for J.J. Watt, DeShaun Watson and every Houston pick through 2025.

WEAKNESSES: Can Isaiahs pick a spelling please? This is ridiculous.