“Listen, Methuselah...heard of him? He’s in a book, it’s called ‘The Bible’. Great book. Important book. Almost sold as much as ‘Art Of The Deal’. Anyway...this guy, Methusaleh lived to be 969 years old. Can you believe that? 969 years old. That’s a big number...”

“969 years. That’s almost...like, A MILLION. Listen, they didn’t have this scourge, this enemy, this monster from China...by the way, it’s from China...they did this and they know it...and I can tell you if Obama was God, he wouldn’t have lived that long. I know that much...”

“But Methuselah has problems, of course...but he...the people...back then, you could live as long as you wanted to. It was different. You could go and eat from trees and there were animals everywhere and people were happy. Good times. Money. Happy people...”

“And Methusaleh lived 969 years. Would he have lived 970 or 980 or even a MILLION years if he HAD taken the hydroxychloroquine? I don’t know, maybe, maybe not...but what would he have to lose? Honestly, it’s between him and God, I guess...but my point is this...”

“The media is all fake. We’ve done a great job. We’re learning new things every day. We’ve done more than any other country in the world. Everyone else is lying about the mortality numbers. The system was broken and we fixed it. Everything is fine. Try the Lysol.”

“Oh, and who wants to live to be 969 years old anyway? I mean, we love our seniors but, hey...OK, so I think we’re really doing a terrific job. The fake news media won’t tell you that. Now, I’d like to take this opportunity to berate some reporters.”