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TW//
Long thread of me ranting and just venting to let my emotions out
Long thread of me ranting and just venting to let my emotions out
When you whole plan has to be adjusted because we have a new person living with us.. I wish I was allowed to use public transportation..
Because I need to wake up early and I am at work wayy too early but well they have never cared much for me anyway.. so why would it matter now
Because I need to wake up early and I am at work wayy too early but well they have never cared much for me anyway.. so why would it matter now
Honestly I understand why she will be living with us starting from now, but all that adjustment ends up on me. I have to give up my bedroom, because if I don’t I would be the ignorant btch. I adjust my work schedule around them.
I just wish for this to be over, so I can start using public transportation again. I ain’t allowed to do any more overtime than I already have but with this schedule it is hard to avoid.
I am most upset about my room. Like btch they started planning without consulting with me first. Like mate I know my parents said sure, but it still is MY fvcking room. Later they were like did your mom speak with you, like yes of course she did!
They didn’t even ask sinply just stated the fact with no option to say no. I mean I would have said yes anyway but the way they handled makes the new girl seem more important than their own daughter/sibling..
Have always known I am not cared for as much, but this is just hearbreaking. It is just too much now. The energy to wake up every morning is less than the day before.. I mean none of them said happy birthday to me.. everyone be like yeah it’s covid’s fault..
It isn’t, it just is a reason ppl can bring these days. Sometimes I wonder if they would care if I were to just not come back. I call myself strong because I can put on this facade almost every day, only sometimes it shines through.
If I were to leave and just never show up again, would they care enough to be sad about it for a while?
I was not planning on ranting so much, but my emotions have caught up to me.
At least my mum finally thought of how it might affect me too, a bit of affection, but just because she almost had to..
The past two months were so stressful and mentally straining. Like they sometimes don’t want to understand that working in an office is just as tiring! We don’t need physical exhaustion to be tired.
March usually is the worst month of the year that’s why no one is ever allowed to take a leave that month. Now thanks to covid our work was twice as much as usual, I worked almost 11 hours every day! And we never knew how the day would go.
The pressure we get to meet our deadlines was exhausting. April was just as bad so I couldn’t take a leave this month either. Like I know there’s more exhausting jobs, I know! But not everybody can cope with the same amount of stress.
As a person who puts a lot of pressure on themselves the past two months was a pain. I really didn’t want to mess up anything under the name of the “government” especially in these extraordinary times.
And now that I know I won’t have a holiday until July, idk I am exhausted. At least starting in May I can take a leave, like half a day or a day a week probably, but that isn’t the same as holiday..
There is and was a reason why I continued working instead of continuing my studies. My brain cannot deal with that, it can’t even deal with simple things anymore..
TW// self harm
At times I feel like cvtting but I can’t and I am glad I can’t bring myself to do so. I always feel like when I would it would be the end of my journey, I am scared I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back..
At times I feel like cvtting but I can’t and I am glad I can’t bring myself to do so. I always feel like when I would it would be the end of my journey, I am scared I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back..
TW// self harm
And I probably harm myself enough by not eating.. I feel bad when I eat but feel just as bad when I don’t eat.. I know I should eat but it’s hard.. i have never purposely thrown it up again, I just don’t eat or a little bit very slow, no one has realised it yet, so
And I probably harm myself enough by not eating.. I feel bad when I eat but feel just as bad when I don’t eat.. I know I should eat but it’s hard.. i have never purposely thrown it up again, I just don’t eat or a little bit very slow, no one has realised it yet, so
I know it feels like I just want attention but honestly I only post this thread if I actually do because I know no one actually reads my tweets, so it kinda comes in handy now..
I think this is wnough for today, I already wrote too much, the thread has gotten way too long and most things can’t even be put in words anyway. My mind and emottions are jumbled, but writing this actually made me stop crying so it’s a win(?)
