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I grew up around emotional abuse, from someone close to me. That’s why I am such a perfectionist and I rarely allow myself to make mistakes. I would ask a question and the response was “why are you asking me stupid questions, can you not see? Please use your common sense”
Always answers along that line. I don’t like asking people for help and I think that’s why. I have been conditioned to believe that if am struggling with something that it’s my fault. If I don’t know how something works, it’s my fault because I don’t have enough brain cells. Lol.
Even making small mistakes as a child. Like tripping and falling over? It’s my fault. I should have been watching where I am walking. Thinking about it now, its probably the reason why I internalize everything.
I didn’t even hold people accountable for their bullshit. I would always beat myself up because I generally believed that I should have known better. How did I let someone fuck me over? It’s my fault.
Anyway I am still unlearning and healing from the trauma. I am learning each and every day that I am human. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with making mistakes and failing. It’s okay.
When it comes to choosing partners. I gravitate towards men who don’t make me feel bad for not knowing something. Who are self aware of what they say to me at all times. I like a safe environment to be myself because I didn’t have that growing up. Thanks for coming to my ted talk
