Ok listen up, you lot.
It’s time you learnt a thing or two about who’s really been running this world since the beginning of time.
No, it ain’t God. Or the illuminati. It ain’t even Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It’s the gerrdurrm jellyfish

To know more about jellyfish, we have to go back to the beginning.

OF TIME ITSELF

Jellyfish have been around since BEFORE THE DINOSAURS according to scientists (and don’t ask me whether or not their receipts check out, I just know they’re very comfortable saying it.)

A jellyfish fossil found in Utah in 2007 is thought to be 505 million years old. Dinosaurs were around between 245 mil-66 mil years ago. I’ll let you sit with that for a while.

It’s also very difficult to find a jellyfish fossil because they have no brain, eyes, heart or bones.
Evidently there ain’t no Wizard of Oz under the sea - thank god. Imagine one of them fuckers staring back at you

In fact, their bodies are essentially made up of a bag of structural proteins (5%) and the other 95% is water.
Sounds rather zen actually

Prepare yourself for this one.
They have one (1) mouth in the centre of their body which they eat AND poop out of (though thankfully not at the same time.)
They also suck water into the aforementioned hole then force it out really fast to propel themselves along.

They literally absorb oxygen through their membranes because despite the word ‘jellyFISH’ they are not in fact FISH and therefore have no gills. What’s in a name after all

Ever been reading late at night and the bulb in your lamp pops? Don’t you just think, god, I wish I emitted an ethereal glow? For a jellyfish, this is no problem. They are bioluminescent and can produce their own light.

Sorry, I don’t think you heard me. THEIR OWN LIGHT

The biggest species of jellyfish is apparently the Lion’s Mane, which can grow to 3ft in diameter and 120ft long with 12,000 tentacles.
No, I didn’t accidentally add on another zero. Imagine having 12,000 legs? I’d still manage to fall over somehow tbf
Anyway this is her