Also, a thought from while I lay awake all night. I am a sassy creature. And I like spankings, and anticipating spankings. I always thought I& #39;d be a major Brat if I had the chance. But now I have a friend who& #39;ll issue spanks, I have no desire to actually test her...... https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Flushed face" aria-label="Emoji: Flushed face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤔" title="Thinking face" aria-label="Emoji: Thinking face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙏" title="Folded hands" aria-label="Emoji: Folded hands">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🍑" title="Peach" aria-label="Emoji: Peach">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🧡" title="Orange heart" aria-label="Emoji: Orange heart">

Ok more. I& #39;m clearly not going back to sleep, and I need to pass the time before hubbs wakes.

I really like how this new relationship dynamic happened. And I like where it& #39;s going. "It& #39;ll play out how you want it to play out", she said. Everything is teamwork for my benefit.

The idea of making friends with a local spanko is appealing but odds are low that I could actually pull it off, and the time it& #39;d take to become comfortable with her.... but finding a spanko among my friends? Who is willing to pair up with me, be my accountability partner??

I already enjoy the comfort of feeling safe to discuss things I can& #39;t explain to most people. And now.. I enjoy the comfort of knowing she really gives a damn about my well being and personal success. And the thrill that I will probably learn new things from her is just. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔥" title="Fire" aria-label="Emoji: Fire">

The serendipity is so strong. I have been exhausted every day since quarantine playing mom to some of my friends, to my own children, to myself, to my own adopted mom...

She now knows my main frustrations and goals with myself, and she is determined to see me through them. Just as I was growing tired, her determination fuels hope.

I want this, I want to try. I want to be pleased with myself for overcoming my scariest demons. I want to want him.

I wonder what she would think to find this account and read this thread.

I wonder what he would think.

I hope they both know that I am just doing my best. And finally, I am doing my best /for me/, the way /I want to/.

God i hope this works.