Even though rational-Blaise presumably knew it was on the cards, I& #39;m shocked at how deeply the pandemic, drumbeat of horrible news from around the world, and the expanding grounds for pessimism about my own long-term economic prospects has affected my mood and worldview.

I mean, I& #39;m not in immediate danger or anything. But I& #39;m spending about a day each week trapped in anxiety vortices the likes of which I& #39;d basically left behind in my early twenties.

And the hopelessness of my own prospects is fucking hammering me at the moment. I& #39;ve failed to hold down permanent work before all this shit went down. It& #39;s increasingly hard to imagine the economy having room for me on the other side of this crisis.

There& #39;s more, of course. I won& #39;t get into it all publicly. I& #39;m not writing this down and sharing it to vent. At least, not mainly. I& #39;m sharing this much to be a bit comprehensible to people who deal with me.