In honor of William Shakespeare's birthday*, I give you:

Shakespeare's plays as John Mulaney quotes

*being really bored on a Thursday

Hamlet, Act 1 Scene 2

Julius Caesar

Much Ado About Nothing

King Lear

The Two Gentlemen of Verona

Twelfth Night
(honestly choose whoever you like as the speaker for this one)

The Winter's Tale, Act 5

Henry V

Measure for Measure

Merchant of Venice

(Am I gonna do all 37 plays, you ask? Oh god I dunno maybe.)

Titus Andronicus

Midsummer Night's Dream

Love's Labour's Lost

Twitter asking me if I'm ever going to read All's Well That Ends Well, Pericles, Timon of Athens, or Cymbeline

Romeo and Juliet

Richard III

Othello: Is my wife loyal to me?
Iago:

Henry VI

Macbeth

Comedy of Errors, Act 3 Scene 2

Taming of the Shrew

Coriolanus

Richard II

King John

Troilus and Cressida

As You Like It

The Merry Wives of Windsor, in which all the wives chat about Falstaff

The Tempest

Henry IV, or at least the Henry IV/Prince Hal dynamic

Antony and Cleopatra

And, lastly*, Henry VIII

*if I missed a play don't you dare tell me