Insignificant. That’s how all of this feels.
Like nothing is worth the time;
Effort.
Yet there’s absolutely nothing else to do.
I make my songs. I learn new things. I surround myself with connections made of love and circumstance.

It’s not that it isn’t enough- it’s literally everything.
But it amounts to nothing at all.

Fleeting moments feel profound but those that last reveal themselves.

You can make a moment last by thinking on it. Try it. Feel the magic fade the more you dwell on it.

As I resolve the source of insecurities, doubts, and anxiety within myself I find that this feeling- nothing -is left untouched.
I find myself better suited to act in the world, but with less and less of a reason to do it.

Ironic. I want to overcome doubts to act in the world, but as I overcome them I no longer want to act.

Ambition born of fears of inadequacy.
As the fear leaves, so does the ambition.

Ever watch avatar the last air bender?
Zuko based his firebending in rage and revenge. Once he deconstructed the source of his rage, he lost his bending. It only returned when he found a new source. Dragons. He danced with them and saw the full spectrum of color in flames.

Now I’m not bouta tango with a dragon, but this is metaphorically what I’m looking for. The spectrum I’d like to see is that of my own emotion.
Endless time spent in thought has muffled them.
I’ve used a one-size fits all tool that’s worked up to now, but it’s time for variety.

How does it all feel when I feel it all?

If anyone happens to catch this thread while it’s still up and actually reads it, hey there. Thanks for reading. Must’ve been boring. Here’s a fun fact to make it worth the while.
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{Sometimes, dolphins bite off fish heads and then masturbate into them}
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Bye have a good day