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People need to understand that it’s hard to realize abuse when you’re the one being abused.Trauma can actually create a bond with the abuser and that makes it hard.
Why do we make excuses for them? Because they gaslight us... they convince us that we are the problem, you loose your reality and they become the eyes in which you view the world.
Loosing yourself in a relationship is not a sign that you are “becoming one” it’s most likely a sign of being in an abusive relationship.
Also, abuse comes in all shapes and sizes..s/he doesn’t hit you but constantly neglects you and devalues you... that’s emotional abuse..
Sometimes this person is nice to everyone else, but becomes cold and distant towards you, you question yourself... “how can I be the only one seeing this side of the person?”..”surely I’m the problem”
To continue the thread here are sign that you are in an abusive relationship. If you identify at least 7, yup! s/he definitely abusive.
1.Verbal abuse: belittling, bullying,accusing, blaming, shaming,demanding, ordering, threatening,criticizing, sarcasm, raging, opposing, undermining,interrupting, blocking,name-calling. Note that many people occasionally do this. Consider the context,and frequency of the behavior
2.Manipulation: Think of a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” On the surface, the words seem harmless – even complimentary; but underneath you feel demeaned or sense a hostile intent.
3. Emotional blackmail: may include threats, anger, warnings, intimidation, or punishment. It’s a form of manipulation that provokes doubt in you. You feel fear, obligation, and or guilt, sometimes referred to as “FOG”
4. Gaslighting: Intentionally making you distrust your perceptions of reality or believe that you’re mentally incompetent
5. Competition: Competing and one-upping to always be on top, sometimes through unethical means. (Is the person always right? lol)
6. Negative contrasting: Unnecessarily making comparisons to negatively contrast you with the themselves or other people.
7. Sabotage: Disruptive interference with your endeavors or relationships for the purpose of revenge or personal advantage. (Sometimes it’s hard to pick up on this one, they might convince you it’s for your benefit)
8. Withholding: Withholding such things as money, sex, communication or affection from you. ( the intention is to maintain a level of power over you)
9. Neglect: Ignoring the needs of a partner/child for whom the abuser is responsible. Includes child endangerment; stifling communication e.g silent treatments..
10. Violence:This includes blocking your movement, pulling hair, throwing things, or destroying your property. (Some of y’all be locking people in cars! wtf!)
11. Isolation: Isolating you from friends, family, or access to outside services and support through control, manipulation, verbal abuse, character assassination, or other means of abuse.
12. Character assassination or slander: Spreading malicious gossip or lies about you to other people.
If you need someone to talk to, I’m availing myself 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="♥️" title="Heart suit" aria-label="Emoji: Heart suit">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="♥️" title="Heart suit" aria-label="Emoji: Heart suit"> feel free to reach out... sometimes all we need is an ear to listen.
