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Real big "nothing I& #39;m gonna do or make is ever gonna really matter in the end" hours.
Like I see people putting themselves out there all the time. I understand the work of making your ideas concrete and turning them into something real, something concrete but for some reason I just can& #39;t get there.
My head keeps manifesting all these roadblocks that I can& #39;t pass.
My head keeps manifesting all these roadblocks that I can& #39;t pass.
I never have enough time.
I should be doing something that I know earns me money.
My energy is gone.
Or like one of a billion other tiny distractions and chores that I have to manage, not to mention trying to be socially available.
I should be doing something that I know earns me money.
My energy is gone.
Or like one of a billion other tiny distractions and chores that I have to manage, not to mention trying to be socially available.
I waste so much energy just waffling between whether or not I wanna try and participate in games or discord calls because I& #39;m so brain-poisoned that trying to socialize I feel guilty for not workin and whenever I& #39;m focusing on work I feel left behind by the people I care about.
Annnnd here I am. 4 AM, wide-awake in bed feeling lonely and pointless with no real plan to move past either of those feelings, even though I know they& #39;re not based in anything real. I know my friends love me and I know my work touches people, but -why do I feel the opposite??-
Even this thread is just me worrying at the problem to no benefit to myself, but I don& #39;t want to wind up drowning in these feelings without having even expressed them to anybody so-
4AM screaming into the void it is.
4AM screaming into the void it is.
