Hey twitter #NeurodiverseSquad fam. I& #39;m finally admitting to myself that I& #39;m really not coping well with the state of the world and all the changes in my life.
I think if I weren& #39;t taking #ADHD meds I& #39;d have serious brain fog right now, a sure sign of burnout for me.
I can& #39;t focus on work, which I& #39;m now supposed to be doing from home. My job description is essentially completely different now. It was a pretty busy job, both physically and socially. Basically customer service. But now it& #39;s just me and my laptop & my brain is rebelling.
This is exactly the kind of work I don& #39;t like doing on a *good* day. And none of my days are good days anymore because *gestures to everything* stress abounds.
When I& #39;m stressed or burnt out I instinctually seek out physically active or systematic activities, because I don& #39;t have to *think*, not in words.
Gardening. Cooking favourite recipes. Knitting. Puzzles, even. Stuff that uses muscle memory or spatial processing.
Normally if I& #39;m burnt out at a job and my brain is seeking this kind of simulation, I can find something, anything, to get me into a groove and then channel that back into my regular tasks.

But right now, it& #39;s only personal distractions and projects.
I was going with it, and it was ok, until about a week ago. I could *only* focus on knitting or reading my book or gardening. To the detriment of personal and family and work responsibilities.

Just trying to work filled me with anxiety.
Today I realized that this turn coincided with when it really started to sink in just how long this lockdown is going to go on, and all the implications for our lives.
I knew it, cognitively, logically, but I& #39;d been avoiding processing it emotionally. And it hit hard.
I& #39;m not ok.
I mean, in a lot of ways I& #39;m more relaxed and happier than I& #39;ve been in a while. And, paradoxically, I& #39;m also sadder and more anxious than I have felt in ages.

It& #39;s weird, and messed up. But I recognize it for it is.
In the past, I would try to push through burnout, because I& #39;d internalized that I just had to try harder. It never really worked.

And now I can admit that don& #39;t think I can push thru this burnout in a way that will yield results for work.

I don& #39;t know what to do with that yet.
Going to talk it out with my coworker, and then my boss.

We& #39;ll see what happens next.
If you made it this far, hi, this is what happens when I get deep in my thoughts late at night.

If you& #39;re also not ok, that& #39;s ok. It sucks. But now is the time for self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself. Be honest with yourself. Take breaks if you need them.
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Nothing is the same, everything is different. There is so much uncertainty and grief. We can& #39;t expect ourselves to be as productive as we were before. It& #39;s unreasonable and unsustainable.

Be gentle with yourself.
You can follow @chaotic_kat.
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