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omg i’ve been waiting for this question all my life. it’s my “yes i’m a doctor” moment let’s get started: first, zeus because that dude fucked ALL THE TIME. he fucked in any form and it was totally ok with all the others gods because greek gods 1 https://twitter.com/KaayFenty/status/1252985962147336194
2 second, i’d be hera, zeus’s constantly jealous wife, bc one of her furious curses on zeus’ fucking around resulted in peacocks and there’s nothing more beautiful than peacocks omg have you seen one?
3 but really tho let’s consider hermès, i’d be him: the trickster. once walked backwards out of a field leading a herd of cows with bark tied to the cows’ hooves, just to troll some demigod cousin or something
4 if that’s not badass enough try diana, the huntress. long before duran duran she chased dudes through forests, half-naked, guided by rage and skill and no-fucks-to give-ness, totally untamed, using, like, the moon as her flashlight
5 and what about apollo and venus, the twins, apollo the sun, too radiant to behold, venus the moon, so fucking fine she drives everyone in history insane with love forever
ok speaking of venus i have to take girldog out to pee brb
ok speaking of venus i have to take girldog out to pee brb
6 good morning, my thread was interrupted by a midnight snack of microwaved lil smokies (i’m disgusted with myself too) so let’s talk about hades, god of the underworld, misunderstood as the bad guy when really he’s just so so so sad, in fact so sad he had to kidnap a wife
7 so basically hades is the patron god of incels but keep in mind he owns the entire underworld so don’t waste too much pity on him. save that for demeter and persephone, frolicking in a field when hades kidnaps demeter and drags her off to be his underworld bride
look at that it’s time for breakfast. so anyway back to hermes: i’d be hermes.
