Confronted some of my anxiety last night by talking it out with my wife. I admitted that sometimes I fear a future where we don’t love each other anymore. I know many reasons this idea comes to my mind. Her parents’ rocky relationship is probably one thing.

My evangelical background is another. Deconstruction has revealed to me how much of the “unconditional love” I was raised on is actually quite conditional, built on my being a “good evangelical Christian” who believes the right doctrines and has the right sexuality/gender.

I actually do have the “right” sexuality and gender, but definitely not the “right” doctrine. And that’s been a fear issue for me, dealing with the fallout of that with my family and friends.

I still haven’t told her my entire deconstruction. Still, after last night’s talk I feel a little safer with her, so I guess that’s progress. She reaffirmed her commitment to me and our marriage, and I said the same. It was a good talk.