Monogamy isn’t for everyone & neither is polyamory. What I want is for monogamy to not be the presumed default nor the supposedly morally superior option in our culture. I want folks to be able to explore lots of kinds of relationship structures to find what works for them.
Further, what works at one point in our lives may not work at others. Many self-declared monogamous people have been non-monogamous at points in their lives: dating multiple people until declaring exclusivity with one, sleeping with multiple people while purportedly single, etc.
One is not inherently better than the other & while judgmental non-monogamous folks are annoying, generally non-monogamous people are more likely to be shamed for their practices, sometimes losing jobs, housing or custody as a result. Structurally, monogamy is privileged.
And none of this is to shade the OP. I just have some things to say in response that I felt warranted a thread. Monogamy isn’t for me. I respect those for whom it’s the right thing & I just wish more ppl would respect my relationship practices too. #polyamory #polyam #nonmonogamy
I started being publicly out about non-monogamy about 3 years ago when it was no longer possible to be closeted among colleagues because my partner & I (both academics) each had another partner. It became important to ensure friends & colleagues didn’t think we were cheating.
As a Gender & Women’s Studies prof, even if folks don’t like or understand it, most recognize that private, consensual sexuality practices aren’t something we should shame or police. Plus, we’re all kind of weirdos in our own way in this field. 🙃
Despite more & more representation of non-monogamy in the mainstream, many folks I know still don’t feel safe being public about being polyamorous, especially at work or w/ family. So it’s important to me as someone who can safely be out to do it as loudly & proudly as possible.
You can follow @DrSamiSchalk.
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