T/W: mention of suicide (no details), rape, abusive families

For people who tell others to just "get therapy" here's why I still don't have therapy after 6 years of begging the NHS.

Also, not all therapy fits all mental illnesses. I.e. I need EMDR therapy for my cPTSD.

1/12

6 years ago: diagnosed with anxiety and depression shortly after being put on the pill, it took 3 years to realise the pill was the cause of the depression.

I spoke to several GPs and all told me I'm "too young". I had CBT for a while, and she suggested I attempt suicide.

2/12

I quickly learnt that CBT retraumatises me and bases all my problems as being things to manage in my head. At the time my problems were very real and very difficult to handle (i.e. abusive family and the rape which happened when I was 16).

3/12

I then went to university, still taking medication for anxiety and depression, and of course, the pill. I decided to stop them all and asked the GP for therapy again. They referred me to the rape crisis centre, which told me to tell my abusive parents about my rape..

4/12

She suggested it would help my parents realise that I'm a person with traumas and kick start their maternal/paternal instincts. Instead they use it against me and make me watch things with lots of rape and sexual violence as themes when I'm visiting.

5/12

I was subsequently told I couldn't have anymore sessions after she made me talk to my parents because as a uni student I went home for the month to work. So I didn't gain any tools to handle the new situation I was and am in

6/12

I then went back on beta blockers and antidepressants while I had 8 GPs tell me to attempt suicide. My brother has attempted twice and has got no further than I have. We both probably have cPTSD.

7/12

I moved away from uni and in the last year I have; been rejected from the community mental health team because I wasn't on antidepressants, told by a GP that my life isn't that bad and I don't have PTSD because I have a job..

8/12

Been rejected from three non profits which are paid by the NHS to give people who need it EMDR, done three assessments where I have to talk in depth about my traumas, and have been discharged (and shouted at) by the community mental health team.

9/12

I have a classic case of cPTSD. I have nightmares, severe anxiety, depression, I have flashbacks, I struggle with feelings of abandonment, trust, and big feelings. I read into every little thing. I get angry a lot and feel out of control. I cry.. a lot.

10/12

I have done my research, I've got through all the pathways, I've complained to anyone who will listen, I've advocated, demanded, pleaded, cried, and begged for treatment. Having a mental illness is hard enough without having to fight to be taken seriously.

11/12

I'm tired of battling to try and get treatment for all my disabilities. I have no advice for those in the same boat, but for people who don't know; please stop telling us to complain or to get help or to just get better. We're trying but the whole system is rigged against us.
End