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Why I transitioned: A thread.
Nothing about this story is particularly unique/interesting, and I'll make a separate, longer thread about why I detransitioned.
I was a GNC, not-straight child (still unsure if bi or homosexual). I "suspected" I was trans on and off from 13-18. 1/
Nothing about this story is particularly unique/interesting, and I'll make a separate, longer thread about why I detransitioned.
I was a GNC, not-straight child (still unsure if bi or homosexual). I "suspected" I was trans on and off from 13-18. 1/
Didn't know that I could be a woman who loved women until I was 10, and when I learned, I knew that it was something looked down upon. Frequently got called a lesbian as an insult when I moved to a new state in middle school. Wasn't out, but I guess my gay energy is that big. 2/
Began to have eating disorders at age 11. Despised my body developing, refused to wear bras for as long as possible. Around 12, I discovered FTMs on YouTube wishing that I could transition too. I didn't want to be same-sex attracted, and I didn't want to be female-shaped. 3/
I repressed these feelings, even though I had this strange sense that I would eventually transition in college. Which is what happened. I got my hair cut short freshman year when I came out as "not-straight". I previously wasn't allowed to have short hair and I was elated. 4/
This is the part that fucks me up. Prior to the haircut, I wasn't totally set on transitioning. I only got the haircut bc my friend teased me for not "looking gay" and I wanted to try short hair. But seeing myself looking very much like a boy really set something off in me. 5/
It really felt like I was "seeing myself for the first time". I was finally allowed to look how I wanted. I attributed this joy to being free after having felt trapped in a woman's 'body. I started "gender therapy" at my uni two weeks later. 6/
Another part that fucks me up. I was already skeptical of the affirmative model. I ditched the first therapist after all she did was affirm me. But I don't think it would have mattered, I was already stubbornly set on the fact that I MUST be trans. 7/
After finally connecting with some trans circles and a therapist that I felt at the time was legit, I scheduled my top surgery for that summer. This was 5 months after I'd decided on transitioning, but my dysphoria around my chest had become absolutely debilitating. 8/
I had the surgery just 9 months after coming out as trans. The whole process was exciting and I felt like I was going to be happier. I rushed to get it because I wanted to transition and move on to live a "normal" college student life. 9/
I want to emphasize that I experienced dysphoria since pre puberty, but it got so much worse once I had a name to call it. I truly felt like I should have been born a boy, and despised the female parts of my body. I didn't transition the "right way", and no one stopped me. 10/10
Addendum: I take responsibility for what happened to me, despite being severely depressed with an eating disorder. I did what I did to try to feel better, with the information I had at the time. I do think that the med process needs revising, but I ultimately did this to myself.
I have no regrets. My body is still mine.
