I kind of wish there was a support group for mid-20s adults who had their brains melted and their personalities permanently damaged by being a kid on 4chan in 2009. My therapist doesn't know what the fuck "check out these dubs" means and I don't feel like explaining it to her.

I know this reads like a joke but bro if you were on 4chan as a fully grown adult between 2006-2012 you have collective trauma let alone a minor. It's taken years to undo the normalization of shitty behavior and content that I was programmed as a wee lad into thinking was ok.

As a kid you don't understand that apathy is a bad thing. You think the stoicism of your peers is maturity and you never realize that the only *break* from that apathy they ever have is when they destroy just to feel lucid. You sacrifice everything you love in earnest to it.

That nihilism that suddenly breaks into violence whenever something strikes a sour note isn't a product of the internet but it is a product of online centralized communities. Even you can even see this by the gradation of kindness 4chan has from its specific to general boards.

The more centralized things are the more people feel compelled to engage in general trends, the less they feel the desire to generate their own or a sense of value to their actions. The more specific the board, the less this was the case. /b/ as the totally general board? Worst.

(Worried Rice is gonna disagree with me about a lot of shit I say in this thread lol)

/v/ was a mild improvement over that but *everyone* online plays videogames, it was still a tremendous centralized hub of anonymized users. 4chan was a wholesale rejection of the WANT of value.

It was extremely liberating if you already felt like you were creating nothing of value to go into a place to talk where nobody *wanted* to have more value than you. An anonymous user telling you to "eat shit and choke" was no more or less intimidating than one praising you.

My point was that psychologically, this culture was *extremely* unique to the time. Your 50-something therapist with a jitterbug isn't going to understand why you're so scared of people knowing your first and last name, or your address, or ever giving out your phone number.

They aren't going to get that compartmentalizing your online identities impulsively is a learned defense mechanism from watching other people's lives be ruined by the internet, they won't get why you fear being visible or vulnerable or having sincere public displays of emotion.

They won't get why you're terrified of associating the loved ones you have with your online identity because god forbid you should fuck up but were lucky enough that nobody can't find *your* information they'll know that your close friends and family might not be so lucky.

The 4chan childhood experience is the same kind of trauma the children of doomsday preppers have- because your anonymity isn't just one choice, it's a routine. You must always hold onto it for dear life every step of the way or it can shatter in an instant and it never goes back.