TW: Depression, Loneliness

Dear Twitter Diary,

I know everyone has been feeling lonely lately, but some of these days have been hitting me pretty hard. This year I planned to get out more and reconnect with friends, but I'm not able to do that right now.

Over the last few years I've been more distant from many friends, I had let myself retreat into depression and I was hiding away from the world. I've wanted to fix that, but it's so hard to reconnect when we are all stuck inside.

I find myself crying at least a few times a week lately for various reasons. For one, I miss a lot of people in my life, but also I feel like I've missed out on so much of my life over the last several years and this virus is just compounding my feelings of lost time.

I also feel like I'm invisible a lot of the time at least in some cases like I'm forgotten or just not prominent, or that I'm somehow an annoying friend. I'm sorry if I'm ever annoying, trying to interact too much or anything, I don't mean to be.

Some of my friendships have been trying to find a new balance this last year, and some of that has been bumpy, but I've also been trying to become closer friends with some of my female/fem nb friends and feel that's also been clunky as well. I'm really not trying to be annoying.

I needed to write this thread to get some of my thoughts out and help myself to stop crying, but I also wanted to do it to somewhat let people know how I've been feeling. Many often try to keep everything in and deal with them on their own, and doing so has hurt me.

I also want to mention that I'm lucky to have some interaction with my roommates, and while we don't know each other that well yet...we are gradually making progress.

I know it's often taboo to share so much on Twitter etc...the internet isn't a diary or therapist, but just don't hurt yourself by trying to deal with everything on your own. Talk it out with the internet if you feel the need.