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“Is it normal for a Dom to want...”
I get asked this question at least twice a week from people new to BDSM, so I figured it was time to do a thread...
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“Is it normal for a Dom to want...”
I get asked this question at least twice a week from people new to BDSM, so I figured it was time to do a thread...
1/
2/
As always, there’s no one way to kink; there are no rules handed down to us on sacred paddles of stone.
However, there *is* a difference between BDSM and abuse. There’s an easy way to tell if someone is abusing you: if you think it’s abuse, it is.
...
As always, there’s no one way to kink; there are no rules handed down to us on sacred paddles of stone.
However, there *is* a difference between BDSM and abuse. There’s an easy way to tell if someone is abusing you: if you think it’s abuse, it is.
...
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So; I’m often asked things like “Is it normal for a sub to have to send explicit photos/videos to a Dom”
or
“Is it normal for a Dom to have access to a sub’s email/DMs/chat”
or
“My Dom says I have to fuck myself with my hairbrush until it hurts, I don’t like it”
...
So; I’m often asked things like “Is it normal for a sub to have to send explicit photos/videos to a Dom”
or
“Is it normal for a Dom to have access to a sub’s email/DMs/chat”
or
“My Dom says I have to fuck myself with my hairbrush until it hurts, I don’t like it”
...
3/
...or “My Dom says I have to send him nudes every day and I’m really not comfortable showing my body but he gets mad and says no one will want me if I don’t do what I’m told”.
You get the idea. Questions from subs who’ve been asked to do stuff they don’t want to do...
...or “My Dom says I have to send him nudes every day and I’m really not comfortable showing my body but he gets mad and says no one will want me if I don’t do what I’m told”.
You get the idea. Questions from subs who’ve been asked to do stuff they don’t want to do...
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...but, because a “Dom” has told them to do it, they feel they have to.
Short answer: You NEVER need to do anything you don’t actually want to do; and you can ALWAYS refuse.
Take that in. Ask yourself “does this sound like fun?” If the answer is no, then don’t do it.
...
...but, because a “Dom” has told them to do it, they feel they have to.
Short answer: You NEVER need to do anything you don’t actually want to do; and you can ALWAYS refuse.
Take that in. Ask yourself “does this sound like fun?” If the answer is no, then don’t do it.
...
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There are no “standard things subs do” - every dynamic is different. Subs have as much a say as the Dom, indeed you should ALWAYS negotiate what you’ll both do before starting. You can retract consent & choose to walk away if you don’t like what is being asked of you.
...
There are no “standard things subs do” - every dynamic is different. Subs have as much a say as the Dom, indeed you should ALWAYS negotiate what you’ll both do before starting. You can retract consent & choose to walk away if you don’t like what is being asked of you.
...
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BDSM might look violent or dangerous or abusive; but it is all fantasy. The whole point is enjoyment, pleasure, escape, release. If you’re *not* enjoying yourself, stop. Find someone else to play with.
There’s no reason for you to continue playing with someone you...
BDSM might look violent or dangerous or abusive; but it is all fantasy. The whole point is enjoyment, pleasure, escape, release. If you’re *not* enjoying yourself, stop. Find someone else to play with.
There’s no reason for you to continue playing with someone you...
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...don’t want to, so don’t. And note the language I use- “playing”. BDSM is meant to be enjoyable.
To paraphrase the gambling tag line: “if the fun stops, stop”
I also see people say “they make me do xyz” or “they ignore my safeword” and then ask how they can handle it.
...
...don’t want to, so don’t. And note the language I use- “playing”. BDSM is meant to be enjoyable.
To paraphrase the gambling tag line: “if the fun stops, stop”
I also see people say “they make me do xyz” or “they ignore my safeword” and then ask how they can handle it.
...
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Usually my response is “Get the hell out of there” - but it’s up to you if you want to explain them that their behaviour sucks and give them another chance.
Definitely don’t put up with it though.
I should point out that it isn’t just new subs that are taken advantage of...
Usually my response is “Get the hell out of there” - but it’s up to you if you want to explain them that their behaviour sucks and give them another chance.
Definitely don’t put up with it though.
I should point out that it isn’t just new subs that are taken advantage of...
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...new Doms can be too. I see questions from Doms saying “my brat never obeys me, what can I do” or “my sub is too obedient” - again, the key is to negotiate up front and discuss your needs. Some who claim to be brats just like winding folk up; if you’re not having fun...
...new Doms can be too. I see questions from Doms saying “my brat never obeys me, what can I do” or “my sub is too obedient” - again, the key is to negotiate up front and discuss your needs. Some who claim to be brats just like winding folk up; if you’re not having fun...
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...then find someone more compatible.
(Brats generally want to be *made* to obey, they enjoy pushing your buttons but ultimately they want to be put in their place; if they’re never “caught” they don’t get their funishment, so what’s the point?)
...
...then find someone more compatible.
(Brats generally want to be *made* to obey, they enjoy pushing your buttons but ultimately they want to be put in their place; if they’re never “caught” they don’t get their funishment, so what’s the point?)
...
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So to recap:
-Communication is key. If your play partner doesn’t want to treat you the way you want, find someone else.
-BDSM is meant to be enjoyable.
-Consent can be revoked at any time.
-If it feels like abuse, it is.
-And if the fun stops, stop.
So to recap:
-Communication is key. If your play partner doesn’t want to treat you the way you want, find someone else.
-BDSM is meant to be enjoyable.
-Consent can be revoked at any time.
-If it feels like abuse, it is.
-And if the fun stops, stop.
