I’m really not doing well. A problem with intrusive thoughts when you’ve studied atrocities is regarding visual material your brain has a lot to work with.

I haven’t been able to sleep, I’m trying to finally go the duck to sleep, and all I see are mass graves, people with chemical burns, corpses, blown apart bodies, my fight or flight kicks in, I’m sweating, incredibly tense.

I’m haunted by all the things I’ve witnessed secondhand, it makes me get self critical about how it’s just photos and footage. I always see the eyes and the humanity sniffed out like a light. I feel the texture of the scars, smell the flesh, feel heat, taste smoke.

I just want to sleep. I just want to sleep. I just want to sleep.

While using it too much is bad for my lover maybe I’ll just use my sleep medicine anyway because fuck this

Please don’t retweet this thread it’s disturbing venting and very personal