While I'm bored on lockdown I might give a dating App a go, what's the worst that could happen!

Couldn't possibly be any worse than the last 2 dates I had, in fact make that 3 ;-)

As I'm bored I'll tell you a bit aboit the last 3 dates I went on...

3rd from last...

It was a blind date, set up by a friend, it was like an interview, she asked me (I shite you not) how much I earned and where I saw myself in 5yrs time

2nd from last was another blind date, set up by a mate from work and his wife.

Date went well, she asked lots of stuff about photography, and the sort of work I do, I thought it was all going well. Then she gets up, tells me to foook off and walks away...not embarrassing at all

I'm on the tube on the way home and my mate who set up the blind date calls me on hands free with his wife laughing like crazy, date girl had been on the phone to them ranting at them

That they'd set her up with a compulsive liar, "he said he works with Royals, flies in jets and runs around with special forces", they enlightened her that that was indeed my job and she called and apologised... I told her to foook off ;-)

Then the last one... very attractive lady, good job, very fun and easy to talk to, was going exceptionally well, both really enjoying it, invites me to her place and we are walking through a park to go there and a young kid comes over and says

"Excuse me Sir but there's a man following you" (thought it was weird that a kid called me sir but nice of him) I looked around and nobody there. I'm convinced it's the kid having a joke, date girl is a little freaked out and wants to go home asap.

We get home and there's an A4 bit of paper sellotaped to her door, she rips it off and puts it in the bin, what's that? "Just a note from my neighbour" she says. We go in, inside for about 30secs and hear smashing glass

I stick my head around to see a nutter with a carving knife half way through the window shouting he's gonna kill me, quick 999 to the local Rozzers who are there in about a minute and her Ex is arrested!

Turns out he'd followed her on all her dates since they split up but he particularly didn't like my date as it looked like we were getting on well.

Been single since those for some reason ;-)