I've been reading a lot about toxic family relationships before. And lately, reading a lot of translated Chinese novels that talk about these dynamics. So okay, jom buka topik.

To be honest, agak sukar nak buka topik ni, sebab too many things to touch on. And each of the points boleh dihuraikan secara in depth. So being Mai, possibility lari topik is 150%. Even if tak lari, i might tekankan benda lain dr yg dirancang pada awalnya. Jadi konklusi berubah.

Okay, toxic relationship. Basically dinamik toxic relationship is pretty much the same whereever. We have the abuser/narcissist, golden child, scapegoat/problem child, flying monkeys, the powerplays, etc.

Cuma bila kita letak these type of toxic dynamic in the most basic, dan utama, of all relationships aka family,,, things get personal. It hurts more. It affects you more. Unlike toxic dynamic in friendship or workplace yg hanya affect attitude ko terhadap those relationship

Toxic family dynamic influence your personality, your view in life, your values, even, if you don't learn to seperate yourself/your ideals from the toxic dynamic you came from.

Sebab your family unit is the first social/emotional unit you interact with. It's the first unit a child comes across as they come out of the world. In fact a child would think the family is The World waktu kecik2, sebelum dia keluar and discover the world beyond it.

Sebab tu a stable family relationship is core to a stable person. You can find a stable person without stable family dynamics and stable family but unstable person,, but more often than not, orang yang tak stable family relationship dia akan ada obvious problems.

(Untuk orang yg tak stable family dynamic dia,,, it takes so much strength, reflection, maturity, to deal with kekurangan dalam diri and grow to become stable. Sebab tu kita respek orang2 ni.)

(Orang yg stable family dynamic waktu kecik pun,, boleh buat their own family unit toxic due to their lacking soo.... in the end it is up to the individual itself lah kan)

But yeah,, because family dynamics shape our worldview, banyak terjadi, kita akan membawa that view seumur hidup(seen it). Yelah, tak semua orang jenis self reflect, jenis faham that there's something lacking, in themselves or the childhood they grew up in.

Jadi dia akan bawa that problematic worldview seumur hidup dorang, dan memperturun pada anak2 dorang pulak bila dorang buat family baru. Sebab tu,, kalau korang perhati betul2, toxic family relationship ni banyak turun temurun.

(A lot research shows mental illness is hereditary,, but since toxic relationshipni boleh bawak dr satu keturunan ke keturunan berikutnya,, made me wonder if it's actually nature or nurture problem. Could be both.)

Selain tu, toxic family dynamic is personal dan sukar, sebab.. the guilt. dia paling dekat dengan kau. Kalo tempat kerja ko toxic ko boleh bhenti, dengan kawan mudah putuskan,, tapi dengan family? Payyoh. Belum lagi ditambah pressure masyarakat for us to stay and jaga our family.

Ini adalah benda yang, orang with stable family(and the golden child) takkan mungkin faham dengan problem people with toxic family. Orang yg stable family ni lah yg byk pressure and guilt spy people with toxic family ni redho dan terima seadanya walhal

'Terima seadanya' for a person with toxic relationship would effect them, consciously or subconsciously, dr segi self esteem, emosi, worldview.

Orang yang stable family dynamic takkan faham. They are used to selfless love and support from their family. So they think it's normal

to give back to family. Because the family will also give us that love and support kan. But in toxic family, being giving might only result in demands for the giver to give more, and just exhaust all energy from the giver itself.

(Entahlah. Aku in the middle. Tolak psl pressure masyarakat, agama kita suruh kita berbakti kan. Jadi... hmm.. tapi bagi aku, siapa yg dari toxic family, kena ada pendinding diri yang kuat. Take some time off and build your self esteem n boundaries)

(Separate yourself, as an individual, from the idea of you as merely a part of a family unit)

Ok,,, so toxic family relationship. Aku sebenarnya tak gemar nak lihat benda ni black&white. As in, it's all black(though it's not ever white). I consider it in shades of grey.

There's the obviously abusive. But there's also dynamic caused by flaws of character right(usually provider). Yalah, tak semua manusia perfect. Ada je kita ni selfish, atau pasif-agresif, yang bias, yang demanding. So benda ni sedikit sebanyak influence family dynamic ni.

Tapi if it's quite toxic, more probably it's atleast borderline abusive, be it mental or emotional. Physical abuse jangan cakaplah.

Fuhh panjangg... ok actually walopn panjang, believe it or not, aku tak sampaikan lagi main points. Har2.. ini macam... baru lepas perenggan ke-2(?).. diikutkan aku anggap tweet atas2 ni macam pengenalan je. Nampak tak knp malaih nk buka topik walhal it's a topic im familiar with

Aku anggap lah this thread is pt.1/?. Penatlah menulis banyak2 ni(more to penat to stay on topic). Kita sambung. Kalau rajin or triggered(after reading news or more novel about toxic family) iols sambung.

Right now petir2 ni menakutkan.