THREAD: I read Jilly Cooper's Riders for the 1st time in lockdown as the perfect frivolous antidote to all this, posh people, horses and boning! Oh my. I have picked the choicest phrases for your delectation:-

I want to just make it clear that I think Jilly herself fully meant these phrases to be funny. Riders is written with a wry self-awareness that makes it much more easily digestible. Anyway, here we go.

He blamed even the weather on the socialists.

(No prizes for guessing this is Rupert Campbell-Black).

She'd been reading about women's lib and someone called Germaine Greer. It was all right for women to buy drinks these days.

Actually she was much less fat without her clothes on; rather splendid, in fact.

Outside Regina House Paul said "may I kiss you Ellen?" And lunged goatily.

*The character's name is actually Helen, but goaty Paul is getting it wrong.

In a few years her body would collapse like a peony.

After Rupert had come, with that splendid driving flourish of staccato thrusts, which reminded Helen of the end of a Beethoven symphony, he fell into a deep sleep.

"I'm sorry darling but the only relations I like are sexual relations."

-one to save up for when you don't want to visit your mother in law.

Medallions, nestling in a thousand black hairy chests, glittered in the sunlight.

Being twenty-nine, Janey hope to start a baby almost immediately.

God, she thought, he had a cock like a salami. A lot of junk is talked about the size of the male member having no importance in sex.

Leisurely kissing her goodnight, his tongue tickling her epiglottis.

Next moment he was undressed, lying on his back, his chest with matted hairs like an ape, his cock rising like some grotesque Italian pepper grinder.

Outside the crickets were shrilling their permanent burglar alarms, the frogs croaked in lazy lechery.

Now, sitting opposite, the conversation was incredibly hard going, like chopping up raw swede with a blunt knife.

God it was hot. As though you'd gone to sleep and forgotten to switch off the electric blanket.

It's not the winning that matters, it's the being taken apart.

His good hand was shaking violently - like a wanking schoolboy.

There ends my thread, I hope I've brought some Jilly Cooper joy to your life!!!

#Literature #BookWorm #Reading #amreading #SaucyDog