TWO.

Two of my neighbours are dead.

One was almost definitely Covid. The other is uncertain, and being withheld for ethics reasons.

Reminder: shared bathrooms.

At what point does the horror of a single day become comedy?

I can't do this, everyone. I fucking CAN'T.

I know that a ton of people will be thinking I've been lying -the computer, the power outage, the two deaths, all in a day? - but please remember:

Liars DOWNPLAY their stories.

I only told one person this, but…

A couple weeks I ritually branded myself with a lighter to make a permanent scar, as a vow not to kill myself during this.

That's how fucked up I was BEFORE all this.

I didn't tell y'all. Just like I haven't told y'all many other things.

Being trapped in a building with a psychopath who keeps attacking me, but can't be evicted; the mother looking for her missing daughter who keeps asking me for info every time I run into her on her daily drive around the block, because I saw her boyfriend being arrested, and my…

…sense of futility at being unable to help…

I told you all what seems like a lifetime ago but was probs only 3 or 4 weeks that I'm not okay. That I'm not okay, and won't BE okay, but am going to keep pretending anyway.

Things have just gotten worse and worse and worse since.

And barring the few of you who might MAYBE be able to help me fix my computer or replace it or my phone tomorrow- IF I'm legally allowed to leave the building (and I'll starve otherwise) - NONE OF YOU CAN EVEN HELP ME.

I won't even be able to delete this thread in shame.

I ran out of spoons over a MONTH ago and fate keeps forcing me to carve new ones out of my own fucking bones.