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So, I’ve decided to share my testimony. I’m still a work in progress but Jesus has taken me far from where I started. I’d like to glorify Him. 
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#JesusFlippedTheSwitch" title="So, I’ve decided to share my testimony. I’m still a work in progress but Jesus has taken me far from where I started. I’d like to glorify Him. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Red heart" aria-label="Emoji: Red heart"> #JesusFlippedTheSwitch" class="img-responsive" style="max-width:100%;"/>
From a very young age I was a validation seeker. My prematurely developed body was a commodity in my eyes, and I would use it in exchange for attention, validation and love. I didn’t feel beautiful. I didn’t see value in my intelligence. I thought that people valued beauty more.
I just wanted to hear those words of affirmation. “You’re beautiful.” “You’re sexy.” “I love you.” And for that temporary satisfaction, I did not shy away from exposing my body. I did this for years, not realizing I was hurting from rejection among other things.
Essentially, I was trying to use empty means to fill my own emptiness.
I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness so I knew about God in some ways, but I didn’t really care about Him honestly. I didn’t think I’d ever be worthy of heaven so I was just trying to live my best life before I died to be honest.
When I started going to an actual church, my life was in shambles and I didn’t even realize it. I was no where near perfect, but best believe I tried to pretend like I was.
I’m not going to front like everything changed as soon as I started going to church. I was learning about God and He intrigued me but I wasn’t ready to dedicate myself to Him entirely. I don’t think I can say that I actually loved God.
I would go through short periods where I was all about Him, and then long seasons where I forgot about Him. But through everything He always stayed.
When I would be depressed He always found ways to comfort me, when I had nobody to talk to He was always willing to hear (and He never got tired of hearing about the same thing over and over again), when I felt ashamed He told me to come closer.
And as I’ve begun to come closer, He’s been healing all the broken parts of me.
Through all of my inconsistency, my doubt about whether or not He really loved me, my questions about whether He actually existed, my moments of anger towards him .. He stuck around. When I left, He was there and embraced me as if I hadn’t just abandoned Him.
Recently I’ve been trying to look at Jesus not only as my Lord but also my closest friend. Because of that I found the validation that I was always seeking but I could never truly find, and I no longer feel the need to use my body for approval. I don’t feel empty anymore.
I feel peace that doesn’t even make sense. I’ve begun to grasp my self worth and I am on a journey of loving myself the way that God loves me.
All this to say..
